THE ART OF KISSING

(I wrote this speech on the evening of Valentines, & gave it to an audience of Toastmasters for a speech contest two days later = I was the test speaker for the evaluation contest...& did receive glowing evaluations, no kisses though)

THE ART OF KISSING

(sings) "What's in a kiss? Have you ever wondered just what it is? More perhaps than just a moment of bliss. Tell me what's in a kiss?"

In this day & age of meaningless sex, & an endless parade of one-night stands, with the sexual revolution won, we hanker back to the utter simplicity & sweet poignancy, of ...the kiss.

Perhaps because I didn't get to kiss anyone this Valentines... So let me indulge in this fantasy, a very tame one at that. Yup, that's what girls(& women!) sometimes dream about....kissing! Unlike men, who dream about so much more. So let's go back to the basics, & talk about...kissing!

What is kissing after all? It is more than just two lips meeting each other halfway. No! A kiss, holds such magnitude & power. One simple kiss can take away all hurts, such as when a mother kisses her child's scraped knees. One kiss can spark the beginning of a beautiful love story, for a man & a woman, out on their first date, a question in the eyes..."Is he or isn't he going to kiss me?". Oh, the thrill & anticipation of waiting for that first kiss!

Do you remember Drew Barrymore in the movie,"50 First Dates", saying "Nothing beats a first kiss". Like Sleeping Beauty awakened by a kiss, each girl, each woman, each time, finds perhaps that she has been asleep all along, waiting for life to start. & with one passionate kiss, all her emotions & desires are aroused. With one kiss, begins a future of limitless possibilities.

Even in an institution as conservative & as timid as the Church, I find it a bit hilarious, that the wedding ceremony ends, with that old santimonious priest, who really doesn't know anything about life's baser instincts, saying that much anticipated, familiar line: "You may now kiss the bride". Isn't it appropriate that a lifetime of forever begins with that first wedding kiss? What fitting way to bind a lifelong commitment, than to seal it...with a kiss?

We even see the enormity of a kiss, for even in history, the greatest person who ever lived, Jesus, even he was betrayed by Judas, his friend, with a kiss! Yes, truly nothing stings as much, or is a heartbreakingly felt, in any romantic relationship gone stale, as the lackluster quality, of a prefunctory, obligatory kiss.

I was all of 18 when I received my first kiss. & to think it took my first boyfriend, 3 months of going steady, before he finally kissed me! But it was definitely worth the wait! I could share with you all the juicy details...but then...I don't kiss and tell.

I learned the art of kissing, not from fumbling boys nor from dashing,skilled gentlemen,but from a more mundane sort..from books! Yup, I believe all women, at one time or another,but most probably in high school, had spent many an afternoon poring over Mills & Boon,Silhouette or Sweet Valley High romances. Now learning the art of kissing from romance pocketbooks is not as miserable as it sounds. You can learn a lot, why the kissing part is some romance novels sometimes lasts up to 2 pages! Imagine! Why, I hear, for most men, making love doesn't even last for 2 minutes!

So my advice, for you men out there, is that you should do more reading! But since I know most men are not too fond of reading, my advice is...the next time you're in a bar, order a vodka, & practice your kissing skills the old-fashioned way, by learning to tie a cherry stem into a knot, using your tongue!

Of course, for most women, this saying is most often true. "Before you find your handsome Prince, be prepared to kiss a lot of frogs". I can still count the number of boys, & men I've kissed, on the fingers of one hand...(counts/ticks of each finger)..ok,two hands. See, just a lucky seven! So in my humble opinion, & that of my girlfriends, is that a lot of men don't know how to kiss.

On one hand, you have the date, who's too much of a gentleman, & asks for a kiss at the end of the date. How unromantic! A real man should know when a woman wants to be kissed! So don't ask, only fools ask for permission.
Neither does this mean that men should be aggressive. Sweeping a woman off her feet doesn't mean acting like a caveman & grabbing for her lips. A real man, who knows how to kiss a woman for the very first time, should know this: You go 90% of the distance: stop. & let her meet you for the 10% left, which she will if she wants to be kissed!

The perfect kiss...is slooow...explorative....and real. And as Toastmasters who love to talk, you should all find this very amusing...there should be a conversation within a kiss! Such as...I like you, do you like me! Oh yes,definitely yes..More?..more!...Oh yes!

And,for a kiss to be lip-smacking good, you want it to mean something. You want it to be with someone you can't get out of your head, so that when your lips do finally touch, you feel it everywhere. Not just on your lips but all the way down to your toes...A kiss so right, it makes you lift up your foot, & let's you see fireworks, even with your eyes closed. A kiss, so hot, & so deep..you never want to come up for air. You can't cheat your first kiss. Trust me you don't want to. Coz when you find the perfect person,for that first kiss, its everything.

So how about you? Do remember your first kiss with the one you love?

(sings: from the Disney movie "Enchanted") "I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss, & a prince I'm hoping comes with this. So for a lifetime of endless bliss, just find who you love, through true love's kiss".

Clarity in 2008

CLARITY IN 2008
So here are my goals for the year (see how many you can match with the symbols in my dream collage for 2008.
* Travel:explore going to Canada for the Toastmasters Intl Convention in August; or spent a wintery Xmas in the States
* Work: Make a difference in the new section I'm heading; explore new notes/look for new jobs
* Financial: Save money
* Social: have coffee & bond with my friends = have at least one bonding moment with a friend(a true moment!) at least once a month
* Talents: Talk! Find opportunities & have more speaking engagements.
* Jane Austen Book Club: Read a classic novel every 2 months.
* Mother: spend time with my kids, be a parent & spend time teaching China & explore more therapies with Miguel
* Wife: Endure (or hang myself!)
* Physical: Eat right! Lose pounds in the process!
* Spiritual: Ensure a quiet time for myself, for reflection at least once every week.Write in my blog.
* Life in general: Explore more opportunities to experience more in life! Reach for the stars. This is also the year where I should revisit my mission & vision statements & do long term planning (not just my annual goals). Be more specific about things I'd like to achieve, and happen in the next 5,10,15 years....
Do all these to achieve clarity, & thus happiness & serenity in life.
Not too much to ask for 2008 right?

2007: A Bittersweet Year

2007: A Bittersweet Year
Bittersweet refers to a combination of the standard tastes of sweetness and bitterness, and is often used as a metaphor for experiences which have elements of both happiness and sadness. So here are my top 10 events that made up my 2007.

1. USA:The American Dream
Who would have thought I’d be able to go to the US? This wasn’t even in my plans this year. Just a spur of the moment decision to try & see where it leads me. Already made a previous post in this blog about all the things that happened to me during that whirlwind trip. Definitely one the defining moments of my 2007.

2. Work: Internal Conflicts, New Post. Probably the reason why I just wanted to get away from it all. But I realize that work really gets to me, I cried so much, & so many times this year because of work as compared to just silently enduring problems in my personal life.

3. Toastmasters adds Life! Accomplished many roles: as Secretariat Head for May Cebu Discon, Contest Chairperson for Div C & I contest, one of the judges to Gullas Intercollegiate Oratorical Contest of diff. Cebu schools. And being Division C Governor of course. It’s a different side to Toastmasters, taking on leadership roles. Also had outside speaking engagements: 2 at CIT,1 with SWU MBA for Bonna.

4. My Marriage. Chafing at the reins – a previous post in my blog says it all about my marriage this year & being verbally harassed & being on tip toe all the time. His parinigs. Brought him with me to most Toastmasters meetings in different clubs this year. His violent quarrels with Garleth & Flor & both maids leaving this year. Drowned my sorrows in staying at home with VCD movies/tv series marathons. Even resorted to taking my allergy meds so I’d be able to sleep & escape his harassment. He did go to Manila of course, although what this means for my marriage will be revealed in 2008 I guess.

5. USJR Doctorate. It was an experience being in a different part of Cebu – Carbon & downtown area & walking around, window-shopping. The classes were way too easy though. No challenge. But did get to know some of my classmates but did not bond as much as my SWU MBA classmates.

6. My Son: Prime: a new school for my son, & taking on Risperdal again due to his cheek-hitting episodes. Visited the doctor several times for the kids: dentist visits with both my kids losing their front teeth this year.

7. Club Ultima Lifestyle.This was a mutual decision of us as a couple, for the family, esp. for my son. Weekends swimming with the kids. Even had my pizza birthday videoke party here. It’s a different kind of luxurious lifestyle that I could very much get used to.

8. A Family reunion. Having the family together for the first time in so many years. Went home from the States with Mom, Dad, Ate Cherry & Jaime, while Ate Ethel went here a weekearlier & had time to clean the house. We also stayed over at the Hilton. Having the family together was really, really wonderful.

9. Social: New friends, old friends, friends I’ve managed to keep in touch with. Celes & Danny’s Sinulog visit- Riding the Mactan Channel ferry for the very first time. Had the annual Sinulog outing at Welda’s place with Aboitiz friends. Doulous floating ship outing with MBA classmates. Chris bday’s bash at Gerry’s & being with Aboitiz friends. An old friend from the past!- Jingle getting in touch once again. And Toastmasters friends of course.

10. Going back to church. I’ve been going almost regularly to Church every Sunday this year, which I haven’t been doing for the longest time. Its what’s made my life bearable this year also. I have made my peace with God.

2007 was a bittersweet year for me, full of ups and downs, but still memorable nevertheless.

LISTEN

LISTEN

I remember Niel placing the song from Dreamgirls on
how,in spite of what's happening, of making the other person
love you all the more, of desperately wanting to make it happen.
Although I like that song, I forgot the title, the song below, "Listen"
is for me my favorite song in the entire movie.
I guess coz it speaks about the loss of not being seen,
& the pain of not being heard.

Listen to the song here in my heart, A melody I start but can't complete
Listen to the sound from deep within, Its only beginning to find release
Ohh the time has come for my dreams to be heard
They will not be pushed aside and turnedInto your own, all 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried, To say whats on my mind
You should have known, Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened

There was someone here inside, Someone I thought had died
So long ago
Oh I'm screaming out, And my dreams will be heard
They will not be pushed Aside or turnedInto your own,
All 'cause you won't listen

Listen
I am alone at a crossroads
I'm not at home in my own home
And I've tried and tried, To say whats on my mind
You should have known
Now I'm done believing you
You don't know what I'm feeling
I'm more than what, You've made of me
I followed the voice, you gave to me
But now I've gotta find my own
You should have listened
I don't know where I belong, But I'll be moving on
If you don't, if you won't

Listen to the song here in my heart, A melody I start, but I will complete
Now I am done believing you
You don't know not what I am feeling
I'm more than what you've made of me,
I followed the voice you think you gave to me

But now I got to find my own - my own

Honoring My Dead

DEAD LOLAS

The Chinese has what they call as "Ancestor Worship". Although not to the point of worship, like in the movie "Mulan", I do believe in honoring the dead. Last All Soul’s Day, we visited our "dead lolas" in Queen City cemetery. It’s a good time as any to remember the dead & share a little bit of their stories. Although I never knew any of them, there are aspects of their lives that I have picked up important lessons from. In one cemetery plot, we have my 3 lolas: Teodora Otarra, Pacita Cabando, and Epifania Valenzona. The first, Lola Pacing, is my maternal grandmother. She died before I was born, even before my parents married. She met my maternal grandfather during World War II in the small island of Banacon, in Bohol. It was a turbulent time, & since it was wartime, they couldn’t find any priests thus she & my lolo lived as common-law husband & wife, & were accepted as such in the community, & they had my Mom & her younger sister. But when my grandfather got stationed in Iloilo, he was caught in a shotgun wedding & thus he was legally married to another woman, with which he had 5 children. This was a bitter story that affected the lives of my grandmother, & my mother as well, the latter having to bear the stigma of being an illegitimate child, although she was the eldest among her half-sisters & brother. Aside from this tragic bent, the stories I have heard of Lola Pacing is that she worked real hard to support my Mom, travelling back & forth to Manila & Cebu, buying & selling RTW clothes. She was a single mom, who had to deal with a philandering "husband", bore the death of her youngest child(I never really knew what my aunt died of, of a childhood sickness probably, & even my Mom has not shared stories of her younger sister, & I’ve always thought this was because the story was too tragic to tell). But she was able to send my Mom through to Law School. Aside from this hard life, I grew up hearing about how she was the original "singer" in the family, & she would often be called upon to sing during town fiestas & have politicians call on her asking her to sing during crowd gatherings during elections time. Many said she had a marvelous voice, & that I must have gotten my singing talent from her. She was also very gregarious, & in spite of her hard life, always had funny stories to share & songs to sing. She loved my Mom very much, but I do recall my Mom painfully retelling about the time her mother had beaten her up, when she had told her that she wanted to leave home & enter the convent. She did it out of love, & I think she must have been a grand old lady & I would have loved to meet her.

Pacita Cabando, is my Mom’s grandmother. I have few stories to tell about her, but I do recall my Mom telling me about her being such a devout Catholic. She also lived her life in an island, in Banacon, & that she would wake up my Mom very early every morning, to pray her numerous novenas. I wonder about her life & how it must have been for her, to have borne 2 daughters, both unmarried & with children borne out of wedlock. But from what I understand, hers was the steady hand that guided my Mom while she grew up as a child, while my Lola was out working.

My last lola, I know her as Lola Baybay, my paternal grandmother who hailed from Baybay, Leyte, hence the name, as it was my Dad who gave us the monickers for each of our lolos & lolas, depending on the place they came from (that’s Lola Baybay – from Baybay,Leyte. That’s Lolo Carcar, from Carcar,Cebu). To help us little kids, from being confused in remembering the many grandparents we had. Lola Baybay died at sea, when I was three, when the boat from Baybay sank & there were many people who also died in that event. They said, when she was a young maiden, that she had a very persistent suitor, who she had spurned, & who, out of desperation, waited for her in the dark one night & accosted her. He became my lolo, & my Dad came nine months later. Theirs was not a happy marriage due to this tragic beginning, & my Lolo was enscripted into the army soon after their marriage, to fight the Japanese in WW II, & he died in the war. My father didn’t even have pictures of him, for these pictures were burned during the War,in case the Japanese would find them. Or perhaps this was the story that my paternal grandmother shared, for she was still full of bitterness because of what happened, & & seeing my Dad only made it worse, for they said my Dad looked so much like his father. Aside from my mental picture of this pained, bitter woman, Lola Baybay did get to marry another man after all, & had 2 daughters, but my Dad’s stepfather also died, which left him the sole breadwinner of the family & thus he grew up supporting my 2 aunts, & my Lola of course.

And what about the dead lolos? Mine really is a highly matriarchial family, for I have few stories to share about my lolos. They either died young, & left my lolas as widows, or they were quiet, non-descript men who didn’t figure much in the lives of my forebears. I do know, that both my Lolos served as soldiers during World War II, & that they were both part of the Bataan Death March, that 60 miles march during WWII where the Japanese forced 90,000-100,000 American & Filipino prisoners of war to march from the Bataan peninsula to prison camps. My paternal grandfather died along the way, while my maternal grandfather, owing perhaps to his street smarts related to his Chinese descent, was able to make ends meet & escape along the way. There must be a story there somehow, but as its already lost in the pages of history, & I can only make romantic guesses or notions about each finding the other. Or I somehow think about my dead Lolas, & the lives they must have led.

Which makes me wonder, when I’m dead & gone, what stories will my children’s children have of me? I do pray that life, & history will not leave me tales of woe such as these, although I do know that these women in my past have lived full lives, worthy in their pains & substance, & that they have made it possible for me to be here. And make my own story, that’s still in the telling.

AMERICAN DREAM

Went to the States, left last Aug10 & got back last Aug24. I really had fun during my US trip. Went to 3 states (California,Washington,Arizona) in my 14 days trip. Although I did spend a lot of that time waiting in airports (counted 12 airport stops, in 6 airports, logged in 38 flight hours), so its like 2 days of my trip was spent in transit. Lots of memories worth cherishing!

Things best remembered about my trip:

* Travelling becomes me. Felt so beautiful!= kept being complimented, from NAIA's security guard saying lasses from Cebu are really beautiful, to the black security lady at the Sacramento airport
calling me young lady, to the Mexican shopkeeper in San Francisco calling me "maganda", & the Washington Filipino restaurant owner telling my aunt I look so young & pretty.

* America: The Land of Plenty. Where are the people in the neighborhood? Was shocked at how few people there are. In my stay in the US,really only saw crowds when I'm at the airport, & even their malls are deserted (unlike SM over here). The US sure is huge. My mom said even if all Filipinos come to the US, there'd be space left over. Only saw 3 beggars in my whole stay in the different cities I visited. Freeway driving - so unlike the traffic jams back home. & radar detection signs if you go past the speed limit! & cameras on the road! Everything comes in big sizes - shampoo, lotion bottles,
etc.

* Home Sweet Home. US-Hermag version. I was so amazed by how Mom & Dad have made themselves such a beautiful home in Anaway,Sacramento. Their house was really nice, characterized by Mom's cleanliness, organization & beautification touches.

* Food! I gained 7 lbs in just 2 weeks! American pizza is as delicious as what we see in the movies! Visited & was toured by family & relatives & eating out was the norm. I love pigging out on vacation!

* Toastmasters Convention. Being a first timer at the TI convention was quite an experience for me.
It made me realize that I do belong to an international organization, seeing & getting to know
people from different countries, from different races. Being the VJ at Pawe's Videoke sing-along & coercing Toastmasters from different countries to sing songs. Time spent with dear Linus.

* Shopping!Bought gifts for home- I love Russ for Less = clothes, Shoes, shopping in California, the Arizona Desert Mall, bought books, even at Goodwill for ukay-ukay, American style = cheap, really nice clothes! My parents gave me 700USD to spend. Even shopped at Arizona airport, only mins.
after I'd disembarked from the plane, on the way to the bus stop to go to the hotel!

* Washington. I love Washington's greenery! Seattle was such a beautiful city, loved shopping at Pike's Place, going to the first Starbucks, & climbed the Seattle Space Needle! Ate Cherry's place on the Golf Course, with Bill Gates as neighbor, & near the lake, was impressive. Had fun with Jim, Jayme,Ethan & John(rambunctious but really adorable kids!). Had a tiring,early morning walk with Jim's parents.

* Arizona & the Desert Marriot. What the tour guide said that the temperature in Arizona is the same as in Baghdad, gives you an idea of how hot it was. Yet spent a morning walking the deserted streets of downtown Arizona with 3 senior citizens: Sirs Dodong & Noli & Mam Sonia. The locals must have thought we were crazy. The Desert Marriot is a 5star hotel, what fabulous pools! Took advantage of the Stargazing tour, but ended up moon-gazing instead! Loved looking at the moon craters(a high for a moon enthusiast such as me). Had a desert walking tour.

* Relatives Galore. All Filipinos have relatives in the States, & I was certainly no exception. Was shuttled back & forth between houses & States.Even my parents & sister were too busy & can't go on leave for the few days I stayed with each of them. Stayed with Auntie Pacit(my Dad's sister) & Uncle Allen in Washington where she toured me in Poulsbo, a really quaint,lakeside village. Stayed with Auntie Mila(my mom's cousin) in California & she & Auntie Prelly & Uncle toured me in San Francisco. Didn't have fun touring the shopping district with Auntie Mila - we went to Neiman Marcus & Gucci looking at jewelry & 3K USD bags! Would rather have visited Charmed house - rode the Sausalito ferry though & passed by Alcatraz Island & San Francisco Bridge.

* Friends Reunion. Met Glet, my best friend in college & her family (Icky,Gaby & Joshua Miguel, yup, he has almost the same name as my son! We weren't sure if we'd talked about it, but well Miguel is older so it was Glet who copied!). Also met Arlene, a close kabarkada in high school, & her husband. It was fun, we all had lunch in Mom & Dad's formal, rarely used dining room.

* California. California is so hot!!! Its really summer in August! Saw open spaces & dry brush all around. Toured Sacramento city hall grounds for America's retirees gathering with parents,
& got free food & shirts. Even had fireworks on my last night in the States due to the state fair.

* Family Reunion . Stayed with Ate Cherry & sina Mom & Dad in the States, but bonded more
when we all took the flight home to the US for another week-long vacation in Cebu. Though it was back to work for me, still had fun. Spent the 1st weekend at the Hilton Mactan. Touring Cebu. Ate Ethel arrived from Greece! The first time the whole family have been all together in 10 years.

Throughout my stay though, kept having bad dreams of the kids, the hubby, & of my workmates (& I never dream about people at work!)I guess I was missing family, what would have made my vacation complete would have been having the kids with me. & I was also worried about work, knowing this is just a breather for me, the eye before the storm. So after travelling, we all have to get our feet back on the ground once more. And face reality.

SILVER LININGS

Every cloud has a silver lining.
I’ve always loved that expression, in fact clung to it in times when the storm has been at its worst, sort of like grasping for straws in desperation. Still, looking at the positives in any given situation, does make my mood lighter. Thus, in the midst of the turmoil of my professional life, it bears looking at
why I love working in my present job, or things that have made my stay worthwhile in my present company.

1. Lexmark billboard model
2. Being a non-punching employee
3. Being part of the extended management staff
4. Being promoted to HR Officer
5. Overseeing an annual Php8M training budget
6. Having held 3 positions (being tasked with 3 growth assignments) in 5 years.
7. Having reached almost 5 years working in the same company
8. Being the voice behind the 6am,2pm,6pm & 10 pm prayer over the PA system everyday (for the past 4 years & counting)
9. Company cel
10. Company laptop
11. Working for a multinational, American company
12. Making the LIPI culture videos & starting the videoediting service in this company
13. Attending numerous training programs in Manila over the past years
14. Alegre beach resort stay due to company management outing
15. Significant salary increase every year
16. Good pay that has made it possible for me & my family to live comfortably these years
17. Coop loan facility
18. Singing in company programs!
19. Working in a really nice company facility
20. Hotel stays (Dusit,Galleria,Sofitel)
21. Friends acquired (meron din naman, I guess not a barkada type though like Aboitiz)
22. Being a Lexmark scholar & finishing my MBA!