Lousy Dates

They say dating is a lot like dancing. You just need to make the right moves. Or maybe its just because I haven't found the right partner. For I've sure been having my toes stepped on.

See, I've been venturing into the singles scene once again. And dating! But the rules must have changed while I was away...for I've been having all these horrific dates! So, as if to torment myself all the more (for there's a perverse side to it that I just can't explain) here's a listing of all the types of lousy dates I've been through so far:

1. The Maniac. There's the date who's all over you, who you have to keep fending off & have him keep his hands to himself. He could give an octopus with 8 tentacles a run for his money. I guess what makes this date so repulsive is that you don't really like his touch at all. Or perhaps you could, but you just find the timing so bad. Call me old-fashioned but making out on the first date is not my idea of getting to know one another. I thought dating was about romance and leisurely strolling under the moonlight. When did dating become all about sex and a hasty trek to bed?! And to think I've been on three dates so far, all falling under this category. And its surely not because I have the body of a sex siren! (or maybe I do!). I certainly have not given them any inducements, or worn revealing, sexy attires for them to misconstrue it as a green-go!

2. The Conservative. On the opposite side of the spectrum is the date who's too cautious, not of you but of being seen by others (notably his girlfriend and her friends). And you end up not even being kissed at all! I know I seemed all virginal with lousy date example #1, but I guess it could be worse (you could like him but you just get stolen kisses - smacks at that! No tongue action at all= thus not really a kiss). Then you end up having a long-drawn out, long-distance "Sun-ny" affair. Yes, even hour-long conversations 3x a day does not a date make. My fault really for going out with a guy who's already attached (of course I didn't know it at the time). Which doesn't excuse why I've let these phone conversations drag on (but he's so sweet to talk to...& something is better than nothing!).

3. The Indian. Then there's the date who doesn't really qualify as one. Because he stood you up! And I couldn't have imagined that we'd agreed to something, coz there were these conversations, & text messages, & explicit words said to show he really was interested in me! But when it came to the actual action, he says he's too busy! What's a girl to do!

4. The Friendly Date. This is when a friend tags along to your barkada outing & you kind of agree to let him come along. And you think... well the sea air, and a walk on the beach under a canopy of stars, might just be the perfect setting for romance to bloom. But then you arrive at that perfect setting, & find that he's not the man of your dreams after all. Sparks don't fly, no romantic overtures are made, & you realize you really don't have anything in common... except perhaps for that other friend you have in a bikini he's been oogling (not you!).

The friend I recounted all these dates to, actually asked for lousy date #5. Incredulous, I shrieked: "You actually want me to experience another lousy date just so we could round it to a nice, solid, even number!!!".

Suffice to say, I have not been having the "time of my life". At all.

I am Strong !

I got this from my best friend. I especially like his justification and explanation of Positive Psychology. It fits with my strength after all which is optimism. So here’s my top 5 Signature Strengths (the first being the highest). What I love about what's listed here is that in spite of everything that has been thrown to me in my life, I still remain a child at heart & see life as one big adventure.

(1) Love of learning: You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.
(2) Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness- You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.
(3) Curiosity and interest in the world- You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.
(4) Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness- Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.
(5) Gratitude- You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

And these are my least strengths, since they're at the bottom of the list. Hmm.. how come I feel the need to explain my weaknesses more than my strengths. I guess because the first list is very self-explanatory when you see me. But the weaknesses... well they go deeper & hence must be explained. At this point in my life, after having stifled my needs in my (failed) marriage for so long, I want to be seen & in the limelight & thus modesty would not be one of my strong suits right now (weakness #1).Part of it is being a little impatient with people. I guess I'm less forgiving of people right now & prefer to speak my mind when someone I meet doesn't quite measure up to my expectations (#2). Still, I'm far from being brave, especially when it comes to venturing out in relationships with men (3#). Its difficult to be honest with people, men especially, when I still don't trust that I won't be hurt. The last weakness, has to do with my being an introvert (yes, I am one!), as much as it may feel for me to be lonely right now, I would rather be alone than have to put up & relegate my needs to someone else (be it in a relationship or with friends). Its time for "me" now!
(1) Modesty and humility- You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.
(2) Forgiveness and mercy- You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.
(3) Bravery and valor- You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.
(4) Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness- You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.
(5) Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty- You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.

Signature Strengths Test: 240 item Character Strength and Virtues Test from Authentic Happiness.

The Desire of My Heart

Ok. Its been quite some time since I've thought about Mr.Right. But even if I do despair of ever meeting him, the dream is always there. So since this text by a dear friend reminded me :

http://mymetaphysicaltrapeze.blogspot.com/2008/11/someone-to-share-foxhole-with.html, of the off chance of what could be, then here is my Christmas list (for all Christmases):

1. makes me laugh

2. will bring me breakfast in bed

3. will love my daughter, & most especially my son & treat them as his own

4. is God-fearing

5. successful in his career

6. has money of his own, acquired through his efforts

7. appreciates the arts

8. encourages me to pursue my own interests

9. athletic

10. has passions & interests of his own (excluding women of course!)

11. loyal and faithful

12. a gentle - man who can be tender and kind

13. loves to read like I do

14. articulate

15. emotionally resilient

16. will dream with me (& work hard with me to achieve them!)

17. someone to watch over me

Yes, I can always dream ...

Ramdam mo na ang Pasko?

I asked that of a dear friend when we met recently. His answer saddened me in that he said Christmas is for the kids..and that the older he gets he feels that Christmas is just another holiday that one gets used to.

I believe one has to decide, not just in Christmas, but in all things for that matter, to find the joy in
anything. I guess I asked that question because I was in a way asking myself if I already feel the Christmas spirit.

And it got me thinking that I feel the joy of Christmas the most when I start buying gifts for friends, family and other people in my life. Christmas for me is shopping! Well, that's easy, I'm a woman after all. It happens every year...our senses are bombarded with the sights and sounds of Christmas everywhere we go. Again, we are confronted with the challenge of finding that perfect gift. For me, its the thrill of finding, for that special person on my list something totally different, something totally unique. Oh yes, & it does start first with making my Christmas list: of people I will give gifts to, of people who I need to give that something to thank for their gift of friendship. So who has been nice to me? And who has been naughty? Its not only Santa who gets to drop people from his list. Although for me, its a matter of budget I guess, & so priority goes to family & close friends, then people in the office, & other people I want to give gifts to.

Then comes the shopping! And with so many bazaars & Xmas sales & tiangges nowadays, one can always find something to buy for a certain amount. I love crossing things from my list, seeing that I've already bought a gift for that person, & so on. I never get tired of elbowing my way through the crowd, of looking at what things are in store in the next booth, and carrying so many parcels and shopping bags after a day spent Christmas shopping!

Wrapping the gifts is another dramatic affair, a tradition. With Christmas carols playing in the background of course. Hands busy with tinsel, and ribbons & bows & cards & boxes and colorful Christmas wrappers, plus a sprig of holly or a garland of mistletoe to give that gift that extra Christmassy touch. And seeing all those gifts pile up under the tree! A Christmas tree is not a Christmas tree after all, without gifts haphazardly piled, one of top of the other.

Then comes the giving of gifts. I love handing out gifts to my friends, with a special note of thanks for the year that was, & the year that will be. With kisses and hugs of course! And much, much love. This is when I feel the spirit of Christmas the most. And I guess its because, if you really look closely at it, we give gifts to mirror the love that was there, in that first Christmas gift. For the Father who loved us so much that he gave us his son. As a Christian, I believe in the joy and the wonder and the magic of Christmas. And that it truly is a cause for celebration. Its not the material things that matter after all, for a gift would not be a gift without the love and the care that goes in the choosing, and in the giving.

And so, ho, ho, ho.. I'm off to do my Christmas shopping!

I am Healthy, Well & Beautiful!

I am healthy, well & beautiful ! If not, then I certainly think so. So perhaps I do have healthy self-esteem. But I know I'm also my own worst critic when it comes to my state of personal health.

So I took time out over the weekend to attend Ayala's annual Health, Wellness & Beauty Fair. Visited the different booths & got to take home a lot of freebies & some information for classes I'm looking at, notably:

* A free Mary Kay facial (will be getting that on Nov22)
* Belly-dancing lessons (1K only for unlimited sessions for a month: hmm..this is interesting)

* Yoga classes (I've always been interested in this & it might be good for my scoliosis, as well as for one's state of mind)

* An offer for a body massage (flirted for an instant with the cute sales guy: "So will you be the one giving the massage?". Of course he said yes!).

* Fitflops (I'd love to have this set from Res-toe-run, though its a bit pricy at almost 3K for a pair of engineered sandals that promises to make you lose weight as you walk!)

* A free body fat analysis from Fitness First (results show that I'm 8% overweight in terms of body fat as the range for my weight,height & age is 17-24% & I'm at 32%. Hmm..I guess they will always say you need to exercise. I would say I don't look that bad at all. Several people in fact reacted when they learned I was trying to lose weight, saying I don't need to (of course that did wonders to my ego!)

* Free front-seat ticket to the Fashion Show (boutiques Guess, Mango & Nike) = realized that it does pay to know the right people! Got this from a friend & loved watching the models strut their stuff on the run way

* Free buffet dinner stub at Teatro Casino (had to decline this though as I had to attend, what else..a Toastmasters meeting! But then one has to get one's priorities straight: Toastmasters always comes first! Plus all that free food would have added to more body fat!)

It was a fun night at the Health, Wellness & Beauty Show. I guess one should always put that as a priority for oneself. Although beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so, lo & behold, the question to ask would really be: How do you see yourself?

Quantum of Solace

I got stood up last night (again!) for this date that never was. If you're one of the unlucky few who has actually experienced this then you know how terribly forlorn an experience it can be. The funny thing was I actually won a movie pass that night (for being the best Table Topics speaker in the Toastmasters meeting I attended = a pre-date event). The movie pass stated: "Privilege Card: Admit One Only" = yup, as if saying one should be priviliged to go to the movie alone. And it did say admit one only, so I took that as fate's sign for me to go on quality self-time. Quantum of Solace. The movie's title says it all: I am so trapped, in this total vacuum of aloneness !!! Or, as translated to Filipino: "malaking kawalan". But its his loss really & not mine!

So watch the movie I did. And I absolutely loved it! It reminded me again of how much I love Daniel Craig as James Bond. And I realized three things from all these James Bond movies:

(1) I don't want to be the James Bond girl who dies. Strange as it may seem, but I always seem to identify with this character. There's always one in every flick, from Solange in Casino Royale, Teri Hatcher's character in Tomorrow Never Dies, to this last one of Agent Strawberry Fields. Sultry, sexy & they steal the scene. But they do have that sapping, victim & hopeless take to it all. Still, they do get laid by James Bond. That should count for something. But I need to shift to the other character, the other James Bond girl. I want to be the girl who gets to stand up for herself & kicks ass.

(2) James Bond is the ultimate bad boy girls must be wary of. Oozing with macho sex appeal; a chest to die for; physically & mentally agile (my weaknesses in a guy). You know he's working on the right side of the law, but there's still that untamed, maverick side of him. No matter if you know how many women he must have bedded in his entire career, he still gets to you. I think its because he can make any girl feel like such a woman. I love the last 2 James Bond movies though because Bond has this humane side to him: he's fallen in love! What drives him is his love for Vesper, & the betrayal he feels at her having duped him. No wonder then that he becomes this international playboy.

(3) Have sex and die! Never have sex with James Bond (& all bad boys) no matter how they entice you (I love Daniel Craig's pick-up line in this movie: to Agent Fields = " I can't find the hotel stationery" = so unusual that it actually works!). Still, never, never give in! (Yeah right! Note to self) He can be so all-consuming & no matter how thrilling an experience it can be --- woe to the girl who does so. As the villian says in Quantum of Solace: "Everything he touches withers and dies". Could any death be worth the little death one enjoys when they have sex with him? Hmm...

So I did get to have that date after all. Oh James....

TODO To-Do List!

So many things to do and accomplish before the year ends:
(in no particular order)

1. My financial standing (make accurate list of my debts & draft a debt payment plan) = I do have an idea of my payables, but am actually hedging on this and am not looking forward to this task (but I really have to!)

2. Plan for Mla trip (plan & book dates, where to stay, how much, etc)= bringing my daughter to Mla so she can spend Xmas with her Dad (I've already decided that I'm just going to hatid then sundo her= am not planning on staying in Marikina. I still don't know though if I have the nerve to have that talk with my ex)

3. Gym Exercise (lose weight: 5 lbs; & 2 inches from my waist) target 2-3x/week exercise at the gym

4. My work (I have so many things to do at work- so many targets & projects that I just have to put this here)

5. Year -end reflections (make my top 10 events for 2008, lessons learned)

6. 2009 Goal Setting (make this list, as well as my 2009 goals collage, include a financials projection for certain goals that entail money, also revisit my personal Mission-Vision statement)
7. My International Speech (finalize written form & have these approved by selected TM friends)

8. Personal Training (I will have to draft & facilitate the following trainings: Time Management, Best Year Yet, & Financial Literacy programs)

9. 5S (Organize my things in my room, start if not finish my scrapbook for 2008 events down)

10. Appointment & talk with lawyer (I already have a lawyer in mind. Much has been accomplished this year. I did gain clarity on my marriage & having decided that this is the best for me. I've already gotten legal advise & have the pros & cons for annulment vs. separation; so what I need to do now is prepare myself psychologically & write facts & my side as well as get an idea of financial cost)

I had actually dropped an item from the list coz I know I'll be unable to finish already (& I'm actually sad for doing so - this dream & goal is to join the Precious Heart Romance Contest - its been a long time dream for me to write a Tagalog romance - deadline for submission is Dec15. I'll just join next year - this means I have a whole year to write the novel. I already have a storyline & characters in mind. Its the actual writing & the discipline & time for this that needs doing!)

So I guess, my to-do list should can also be a TODO list! Coz I'll have to give it my all to be able to accomplish all these things before the year ends!