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Friday, February 20, 2009

OF BALLS AND COCKS


An officemate recently invited me to join them play badminton in the afternoons, after working. I told them that I never really liked playing sports that used balls. She said: “Leony, badminton doesn’t have any balls, but uses a shuttlecock”. To which I replied, “Well then, let me paraphrase what I said. I’m really not into sports that uses balls and cocks”. Now that surely sounded like something else.

Hmm, never really thought THAT was a sport for that matter. Although I read in a Readers Digest article once that “bed-minton” uses up 60 calories per exercise.

But this is not a note about that particular kind of exercise. But that badminton invitation did get me thinking about the sports I love and enjoy. Come to think of it, the sports I’ve been into are the kind that is best enjoyed when done alone, & with no sports equipment of any kind. Not that I particularly call myself athletic. I may not be as physically active and agile as I was way back in college when I was the only girl in the Ateneo Karate Varsity Team. Also, there used to be a time when I loved running, especially waking up at dawn & breathing in the crisp morning air as I went jogging. Nowadays, I’m starting to exercise again (after a hiatus of what, 15 years?!). I’m running once again, and going to the gym, although not as often as I would like to, given my hectic schedule. But then it just means I have to be more disciplined and put exercise as a priority. (Yeah right)

Still, I would love to be more physically fit. Although, time has been kinder to me than most women my age. I just had my annual physical exam (APE) last month. I’ve been having one yearly since I started working, but was looking forward to it this time coz it was my very first comprehensive executive check-up (the benefits of being a manager). Imagine my shock when the doctor asked me to completely disrobe & take off my blouse so he could check for lumps in my breasts. It was a good thing he was a bit effeminate, because that was the closest thing I’ve had to being touched by a man in quite a while. Seeing my belly, he asked if I was single. I told him I had 2 kids already, & he said he was surprised because I didn’t have any stretch marks. This led to a long discussion about the benefits of cocoa butter lotion (I did tell you he was a bit gay). My APE numbers were quite good. I’m 5”2”, 117lbs, with vital statistics 36-26-36 (though I would love to cinch 2-3 inches off my waistline), my cholesterol levels are in the desirable level, as well as my EEG & other test results. Not bad, at 35.

Just this morning, I was one of the judges for an inter-college speech contest. At the end of the program, one of my co-judges said he was one of my high school students. It had taken him some time to recognize me because he was surprised to see me looking this good. After 15 years, he was now a lawyer, & I tell you, he looked way older than I did. Now experiences like these sure make me smile. So I guess, exercising & adopting a healthy lifestyle does help.

I still don’t see any balls and cocks in my future though. The sports I would love to do and explore someday use no equipment of any kind. I would dearly love to do oar/solitary rowing (sort of like Geena Davis in the Commander-in-Chief series, or the more popular example would be Richard Gomez in that old Bench commercial). Or ballroom dancing! I just purchased a CD of different ballroom dances. I’m afraid, I have two left feet though & dancing would prove to be quite a challenge. And yes, I have signed up for a belly-dancing course to start next week. Not that this counts as a sport. But I am looking forward to shimmying and undulating my way through life. For I don’t intend to grow old gracefully. I intend to fight it every step of the way.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

So Far Away...

No one in particular really, just that I've been hearing this song on the radio quite a lot lately. The poignancy and haunting melody of the song touches me somehow. And makes me yearn for all the foolish things that makes this month the crazy time that it is. I saw the video last week, when I was all by my lonesome too in a hotel in Makati. Its a song I've often sang to, while listening to the radio & lounging in bed, thus I was surprised to see the exact same setting in the video, being played out by the singer. Hmm, life imitates art. Or vice versa. Anyway, for now, this is my song.

Tell Me That You Love Me (by Regine Velasquez)
So far away on a cold, lonely night
If I could only hear your voice,the I’d be alright
Tell me that you love me,Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonely
Tell me you’re alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.
I’d give anything to see your face
Just to share the silence of your eyes
Your love is something no one can replace
So I just want you to hold me one more time.One more time.

Tell me that you love me,Tell me you’re okay
Telephones are lonelyIt sounds so far away
Tell me that you need meTell me it’s alright
I just want to hear your voice
When I lay down tonight.

I’d give anything to taste your kiss
Just to feel your body touching mine
It hurts me to be wanting you like this
So tell me that you love me one more time
One more time…Tell me that you love me
Tell me you’re alone
I just want to hear your voice
I’m so far from home
Tell me that you love me,Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air.
Tell me that you love me,Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonelyTell me you’re alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.

Monday, February 2, 2009

MAKE LOVE

(This is the speech I plan to use for the International Speech Contest. Pray for me. Area contest is on Mar.1)

It was a dark and rainy night. As I got ready for bed in my sexy negligee,I turned to my special someone to bestow a goodnight kiss.When, all my senses were suddenly aroused… by this, not so innocent question…

“Mama, what is sex?”It was my 7 year old daughter, looking up at me, as I was tucking her to sleep.Ladies & gentlemen, Toastmasters & friends, have you ever had a time in your life when you were at a complete & utter loss for words? This is the moment every parent dreads. All the Table topics questions in the world, all the Toastmasters meetings, all the speech contests I had joined, could not have prepared me for the anxiety of this moment. I had to think of an answer…and fast!

“Well, babies come from the stomachs of mommies. Sex is how the baby gets there. But don’t think about it. Only BIG boys and girls when they grow very old, only then do they have sex.” I desperately wanted to end the discussion right then & there.

But with the natural inquisitiveness (& stubbornness!) of a child, she persisted: “Do people like to have sex?”

Reluctantly, I replied. “Well, yes, it feels good so people like to do it”

“You mean, like eating ice cream!”.

‘Yes, but sex is hot, not cold”. I could have kicked myself for saying that. Stupefied at what I’d blurted out, my mind blanked & flickered back to the past.I was 14 years old, & had asked my mom that same question.Did she also look as terror-stricken as I did now?

What I do remember is my Mom, a staunch conservative, telling me…“Sex is something only married couples do. The best gift you can give your husband is that of being the first.” Heavy! Only my mom could talk about sex & virginity in one sentence.

Still, even at that tender age of 14, something inside me rebelled at the thought.Being 1st should not be the best gift, me being anyone’s wife should be!

And to think I followed her advice to the letter. There I was, at 25, a quarter of a century old!It was the end of the millennium, & people were frightened of the Y2K bug. Me, I was more scared of bigger, more important things.What if the world came to an end, & I would die… a virgin!
And so, I met this man, & we were both the first for each other. We even got married!No, Mama. Older & wiser now, I can tell you: “You were wrong. It’s not about being first.Being last is the best gift.”

Its time for us to face all the myths we’ve been bombarded about sex. Why the taboo, the hesitation to talk about it. Not with our children, because THAT will always be awkward.
But hey we’re all mature adults here. Let’s talk about sex. We shouldn’t cringe to talk about something so basic. After all, Edmund, you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for sex.

Sex shouldn’t be seen as something dirty. Perhaps that’s why sex puts us in a setting where we are naked, as the day we were born. Because it’s supposed to be innocent.Well, I’m going to talk about sex. People like to do it because sex satisfies 3 needs: sensory, safety & self-actualization.

1st: sex is sensory. It’s physiological: a need as basic as food, water & air. Simple as that. It’s about feelings, the physical, elemental kind. Talk about spontaneous combustion, of fire & perspiration, of a feel-good wrestling under the sheets kind of thing. A lot of men though get stuck in this stage.

Not for me. My sexual fantasy is to meet this really fabulous guy & as we are kissing each other, I’d say: “I’m sorry, I don’t believe in one night stands”. & he’d tell me, “Lenore, don’t worry, we’ll still be doing this for many nights to come. & I promise you, you won’t be doing much standing…” a steamy kissing scene follows & the camera shoots upward...As it always does in the movies…!)

2nd: Sex is safety. But nowadays, sex is FAR from safe. Back in Gov. Noli’s day, you ask: “Are you safe?” so as not to get a girl pregnant. Today, we have AIDS, STDs & multiple partners. “Are you safe?” means more. But on a deeper level, some have sex to feel secure. Having someone hold you tight, even for a brief moment, can lull you into a false sense of security. And yet, you do need to be with someone you feel safe with. After all, sex needs trust, not all thrust!

Lastly, sex is self-actualization. It’s about finding and becoming the best person you were meant to be. How? Because you’ve found that one person to say, “You complete me”. It’s finally, finding someone to fill up that emptiness inside you (figuratively AND literally). It’s someone looking at me, really looking at me, & seeing not just a body (although I have to admit, it is a pretty ravishing body). For my lover to see me as a person (with fears, hopes, desires & dreams). It’s being naked not just with someone, but being naked TO someone. To bare not just my body, but to bare my own soul.

For all fortunate enough to find this, making love (not mere sex) feels like coming home, a transcendent bliss & complete union; a coming together of two bodies, & the melding of two souls. This is the kind of sex that can’t be rushed, & yes, dear daughter, this is the kind of sex worth waiting for.

And that’s how I will explain sex to my daughter, WHEN she turns 14.

Fellow Toastmasters, whatever state you find yourself in:
Whether you’re after the pleasurable sensations sex brings;
Or whether you just need to feel safe in the haven of someone’s arms
Or, if you’re seeking & willing to wait for so much more ---
My one, fervent desire for all is only this ---
I wish all of you…love.

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