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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

On Tenderhooks

You would think looking and waiting for a guy to come along is excruciating. Wait till an actual guy comes along and then you’re on tender hooks once again, & a flurry of questions about relationships and what it all means starts once again.

My friend Jercyl asked if this was a fling or this might turn into something serious. Well, this could definitely be something serious already. So what’s so special about this guy?

* The way he looks at me. That he even looks at me at all.

* How he smiles at me so tenderly. Again, that he smiles at me at all.

* He texts me to tell me what he’s doing at the moment, & asks me what I’m doing. Inane things such as: I’ve just finished eating, how about you? Am I sleeping already? That he will now sleep, coz I’d just replied to his text. If I was home. The simple, ordinary things that make up a life. Of course, I know that a few texts then & there does not a relationship make. So how often is often? Well, we exchange texts at night (before he goes on his 10pm shift), when I wake up at 2-3am (just a few texts, then I go back to sleep), & he wakes me up in the morning (we exchange texts for a time & then he goes to sleep). Is this enough to qualify as a relationship?

* Only gone out on 2 dates: but these were heavenly! Our 1st date, he was quite the gentleman. I was so frustrated! I had to take matters into my own hands. Probably why I succumbed to something I’ve never done before on a first date.

* And the thing is although I love the intimacy, sex does make things complicated. Especially for women, or maybe it’s just me. It’s confirmed: I really can’t do casual sex. It’s not like I can take my heart out of my chest, put it on a shelf where it’ll be safe & hop on the bed with my significant other. “Sides, doesn’t putting your heart into it, what making love is all about?

* This feels different though. He hugs me & keeps me close, after sex. Kisses me on the forehead, takes the time to smell my hair & run his fingers along my spine. I turn to mush….

* And he texts me first the day after! (Has never happened before!Yeah I know,I'm such a loser)
* After that first time, he told me he wanted to sleep with me next time. Not just have sex, but spend the night with me, till dawn. How romantic is that?

Oh my, I guess only time will tell.

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