On Tenderhooks

You would think looking and waiting for a guy to come along is excruciating. Wait till an actual guy comes along and then you’re on tender hooks once again, & a flurry of questions about relationships and what it all means starts once again.

My friend Jercyl asked if this was a fling or this might turn into something serious. Well, this could definitely be something serious already. So what’s so special about this guy?

* The way he looks at me. That he even looks at me at all.

* How he smiles at me so tenderly. Again, that he smiles at me at all.

* He texts me to tell me what he’s doing at the moment, & asks me what I’m doing. Inane things such as: I’ve just finished eating, how about you? Am I sleeping already? That he will now sleep, coz I’d just replied to his text. If I was home. The simple, ordinary things that make up a life. Of course, I know that a few texts then & there does not a relationship make. So how often is often? Well, we exchange texts at night (before he goes on his 10pm shift), when I wake up at 2-3am (just a few texts, then I go back to sleep), & he wakes me up in the morning (we exchange texts for a time & then he goes to sleep). Is this enough to qualify as a relationship?

* Only gone out on 2 dates: but these were heavenly! Our 1st date, he was quite the gentleman. I was so frustrated! I had to take matters into my own hands. Probably why I succumbed to something I’ve never done before on a first date.

* And the thing is although I love the intimacy, sex does make things complicated. Especially for women, or maybe it’s just me. It’s confirmed: I really can’t do casual sex. It’s not like I can take my heart out of my chest, put it on a shelf where it’ll be safe & hop on the bed with my significant other. “Sides, doesn’t putting your heart into it, what making love is all about?

* This feels different though. He hugs me & keeps me close, after sex. Kisses me on the forehead, takes the time to smell my hair & run his fingers along my spine. I turn to mush….

* And he texts me first the day after! (Has never happened before!Yeah I know,I'm such a loser)
* After that first time, he told me he wanted to sleep with me next time. Not just have sex, but spend the night with me, till dawn. How romantic is that?

Oh my, I guess only time will tell.

OF BALLS AND COCKS

An officemate recently invited me to join them play badminton in the afternoons, after working. I told them that I never really liked playing sports that used balls. She said: “Leony, badminton doesn’t have any balls, but uses a shuttlecock”. To which I replied, “Well then, let me paraphrase what I said. I’m really not into sports that uses balls and cocks”. Now that surely sounded like something else.

Hmm, never really thought THAT was a sport for that matter. Although I read in a Readers Digest article once that “bed-minton” uses up 60 calories per exercise.

But this is not a note about that particular kind of exercise. But that badminton invitation did get me thinking about the sports I love and enjoy. Come to think of it, the sports I’ve been into are the kind that is best enjoyed when done alone, & with no sports equipment of any kind. Not that I particularly call myself athletic. I may not be as physically active and agile as I was way back in college when I was the only girl in the Ateneo Karate Varsity Team. Also, there used to be a time when I loved running, especially waking up at dawn & breathing in the crisp morning air as I went jogging. Nowadays, I’m starting to exercise again (after a hiatus of what, 15 years?!). I’m running once again, and going to the gym, although not as often as I would like to, given my hectic schedule. But then it just means I have to be more disciplined and put exercise as a priority. (Yeah right)

Still, I would love to be more physically fit. Although, time has been kinder to me than most women my age. I just had my annual physical exam (APE) last month. I’ve been having one yearly since I started working, but was looking forward to it this time coz it was my very first comprehensive executive check-up (the benefits of being a manager). Imagine my shock when the doctor asked me to completely disrobe & take off my blouse so he could check for lumps in my breasts. It was a good thing he was a bit effeminate, because that was the closest thing I’ve had to being touched by a man in quite a while. Seeing my belly, he asked if I was single. I told him I had 2 kids already, & he said he was surprised because I didn’t have any stretch marks. This led to a long discussion about the benefits of cocoa butter lotion (I did tell you he was a bit gay). My APE numbers were quite good. I’m 5”2”, 117lbs, with vital statistics 36-26-36 (though I would love to cinch 2-3 inches off my waistline), my cholesterol levels are in the desirable level, as well as my EEG & other test results. Not bad, at 35.

Just this morning, I was one of the judges for an inter-college speech contest. At the end of the program, one of my co-judges said he was one of my high school students. It had taken him some time to recognize me because he was surprised to see me looking this good. After 15 years, he was now a lawyer, & I tell you, he looked way older than I did. Now experiences like these sure make me smile. So I guess, exercising & adopting a healthy lifestyle does help.

I still don’t see any balls and cocks in my future though. The sports I would love to do and explore someday use no equipment of any kind. I would dearly love to do oar/solitary rowing (sort of like Geena Davis in the Commander-in-Chief series, or the more popular example would be Richard Gomez in that old Bench commercial). Or ballroom dancing! I just purchased a CD of different ballroom dances. I’m afraid, I have two left feet though & dancing would prove to be quite a challenge. And yes, I have signed up for a belly-dancing course to start next week. Not that this counts as a sport. But I am looking forward to shimmying and undulating my way through life. For I don’t intend to grow old gracefully. I intend to fight it every step of the way.

So Far Away...

No one in particular really, just that I've been hearing this song on the radio quite a lot lately. The poignancy and haunting melody of the song touches me somehow. And makes me yearn for all the foolish things that makes this month the crazy time that it is. I saw the video last week, when I was all by my lonesome too in a hotel in Makati. Its a song I've often sang to, while listening to the radio & lounging in bed, thus I was surprised to see the exact same setting in the video, being played out by the singer. Hmm, life imitates art. Or vice versa. Anyway, for now, this is my song.

Tell Me That You Love Me (by Regine Velasquez)
So far away on a cold, lonely night
If I could only hear your voice,the I’d be alright
Tell me that you love me,Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonely
Tell me you’re alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.
I’d give anything to see your face
Just to share the silence of your eyes
Your love is something no one can replace
So I just want you to hold me one more time.One more time.

Tell me that you love me,Tell me you’re okay
Telephones are lonelyIt sounds so far away
Tell me that you need meTell me it’s alright
I just want to hear your voice
When I lay down tonight.

I’d give anything to taste your kiss
Just to feel your body touching mine
It hurts me to be wanting you like this
So tell me that you love me one more time
One more time…Tell me that you love me
Tell me you’re alone
I just want to hear your voice
I’m so far from home
Tell me that you love me,Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air.
Tell me that you love me,Tell me that you care
I just want to hear your voice
Come floating through the air
Telephones are lonelyTell me you’re alright
I just want to feel you near
When I lay down tonight.

MAKE LOVE

(This is the speech I plan to use for the International Speech Contest. Pray for me. Area contest is on Mar.1)

It was a dark and rainy night. As I got ready for bed in my sexy negligee,I turned to my special someone to bestow a goodnight kiss.When, all my senses were suddenly aroused… by this, not so innocent question…

“Mama, what is sex?”It was my 7 year old daughter, looking up at me, as I was tucking her to sleep.Ladies & gentlemen, Toastmasters & friends, have you ever had a time in your life when you were at a complete & utter loss for words? This is the moment every parent dreads. All the Table topics questions in the world, all the Toastmasters meetings, all the speech contests I had joined, could not have prepared me for the anxiety of this moment. I had to think of an answer…and fast!

“Well, babies come from the stomachs of mommies. Sex is how the baby gets there. But don’t think about it. Only BIG boys and girls when they grow very old, only then do they have sex.” I desperately wanted to end the discussion right then & there.

But with the natural inquisitiveness (& stubbornness!) of a child, she persisted: “Do people like to have sex?”

Reluctantly, I replied. “Well, yes, it feels good so people like to do it”

“You mean, like eating ice cream!”.

‘Yes, but sex is hot, not cold”. I could have kicked myself for saying that. Stupefied at what I’d blurted out, my mind blanked & flickered back to the past.I was 14 years old, & had asked my mom that same question.Did she also look as terror-stricken as I did now?

What I do remember is my Mom, a staunch conservative, telling me…“Sex is something only married couples do. The best gift you can give your husband is that of being the first.” Heavy! Only my mom could talk about sex & virginity in one sentence.

Still, even at that tender age of 14, something inside me rebelled at the thought.Being 1st should not be the best gift, me being anyone’s wife should be!

And to think I followed her advice to the letter. There I was, at 25, a quarter of a century old!It was the end of the millennium, & people were frightened of the Y2K bug. Me, I was more scared of bigger, more important things.What if the world came to an end, & I would die… a virgin!
And so, I met this man, & we were both the first for each other. We even got married!No, Mama. Older & wiser now, I can tell you: “You were wrong. It’s not about being first.Being last is the best gift.”

Its time for us to face all the myths we’ve been bombarded about sex. Why the taboo, the hesitation to talk about it. Not with our children, because THAT will always be awkward.
But hey we’re all mature adults here. Let’s talk about sex. We shouldn’t cringe to talk about something so basic. After all, Edmund, you wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for sex.

Sex shouldn’t be seen as something dirty. Perhaps that’s why sex puts us in a setting where we are naked, as the day we were born. Because it’s supposed to be innocent.Well, I’m going to talk about sex. People like to do it because sex satisfies 3 needs: sensory, safety & self-actualization.

1st: sex is sensory. It’s physiological: a need as basic as food, water & air. Simple as that. It’s about feelings, the physical, elemental kind. Talk about spontaneous combustion, of fire & perspiration, of a feel-good wrestling under the sheets kind of thing. A lot of men though get stuck in this stage.

Not for me. My sexual fantasy is to meet this really fabulous guy & as we are kissing each other, I’d say: “I’m sorry, I don’t believe in one night stands”. & he’d tell me, “Lenore, don’t worry, we’ll still be doing this for many nights to come. & I promise you, you won’t be doing much standing…” a steamy kissing scene follows & the camera shoots upward...As it always does in the movies…!)

2nd: Sex is safety. But nowadays, sex is FAR from safe. Back in Gov. Noli’s day, you ask: “Are you safe?” so as not to get a girl pregnant. Today, we have AIDS, STDs & multiple partners. “Are you safe?” means more. But on a deeper level, some have sex to feel secure. Having someone hold you tight, even for a brief moment, can lull you into a false sense of security. And yet, you do need to be with someone you feel safe with. After all, sex needs trust, not all thrust!

Lastly, sex is self-actualization. It’s about finding and becoming the best person you were meant to be. How? Because you’ve found that one person to say, “You complete me”. It’s finally, finding someone to fill up that emptiness inside you (figuratively AND literally). It’s someone looking at me, really looking at me, & seeing not just a body (although I have to admit, it is a pretty ravishing body). For my lover to see me as a person (with fears, hopes, desires & dreams). It’s being naked not just with someone, but being naked TO someone. To bare not just my body, but to bare my own soul.

For all fortunate enough to find this, making love (not mere sex) feels like coming home, a transcendent bliss & complete union; a coming together of two bodies, & the melding of two souls. This is the kind of sex that can’t be rushed, & yes, dear daughter, this is the kind of sex worth waiting for.

And that’s how I will explain sex to my daughter, WHEN she turns 14.

Fellow Toastmasters, whatever state you find yourself in:
Whether you’re after the pleasurable sensations sex brings;
Or whether you just need to feel safe in the haven of someone’s arms
Or, if you’re seeking & willing to wait for so much more ---
My one, fervent desire for all is only this ---
I wish all of you…love.

Contest Host.

How I Got Angry...& Ended up a Billboard Model

Last week, I really got fuming mad. For a week already, my brother-in-law has been in the hospital due to complications from cryptococcal meningitis (it’s difficult to explain but yes, it’s a bit serious). Since June of last year, he’s been in & out of the hospital & this was, I think, his 6th hospitalization. So, the objects of my ire this time were hospital lab technicians & a resident doctor. My brother-in-law was supposed to have his MRI exams (3 different exams the whole day to figure out what the problem really was). He already finished with the 1st MRI, but his sched for the 2nd one was bumped because a doctor had prioritized the case of another patient. My sister was crying to me already, being worried about her husband & all, & that it was already 9pm but he still wasn’t scheduled for the MRI. I had to go down to the lab, castigate & demand with the medical personnel to have the tests done. Rare moments like these are…. the only way I can describe it is, these are the times I put on airs, am so haughty, & use my “Ar-neoww (Ateneo)” accent to the fullest. I usually think (a lot!) before I say anything (my Toastmaster friends know how much I hate Impromptu Speaking or Table Topics). But when I’m really mad, even I marvel at myself! I can speak volumes, impeccable English at that, & the closet bourgeois in me comes out. & its not like I’m roleplaying or anything, it just naturally comes out during these times.
Now, perhaps this incident doesn’t really stand out. But well, I really don’t get mad that easily. I do consider myself a very calm person, and amongst my HR colleagues, I’m known as the one who rarely loses her cool. The last time I got angry was 5 years ago (imagine!). Funny. Same setting (a hospital) & characters (hospital staff). My 2 kids were both admitted: my daughter for dehydration (diarrhea), & my son due a head concussion. It just happened at the same time, a nightmare for any mom. I got mad because they were insisting on putting a dextrose tube on my son’s arm. I protested: my son (4 at the time) is autistic & this might start one of his tantrums. So there I was again, lambasting the nurses & going on my spiel on why it shouldn’t be done. My son’s doctor had to talk to me & placate me. I had to take a breather after a week of looking after my kids in the hospital. I went to the office & the first email I saw (in a long line of emails) was about a company-wide search for models (among the employees) for a Lexmark billboard ad. Out of sheer exhaustion & for the heck of it, I submitted my picture. A week later, I was picked, along with 13 other employees, for a photo shoot. 7 couples were made up, & photographed by Cebu’s top(& expensive!) photographer. Out of the glossies & resulting shots, our CEO chose (what else, miracle of miracles!) the photo I was in.

So for a year (525,600 minutes of fame!) I was up in the clouds. Or should I say, suspended in a 20 x 40 billboard at Ayala business district (in Ayala & Mabolo intersection). I wasn’t paid anything for my experience of being a Lexmark billboard model, but it was fun telling all my friends about it. So, lets just say, I do try to channel whatever negative emotions I feel into more creative pursuits. & I did help my brother-in-law last week. After my tirade at the lab, they were able to put him in for his 2nd MRI, & even had the 3rd MRI (supposedly scheduled for the next day) done as well. Yes, it does pay to get mad now & then.

Now if only I could get another photo shoot out of this....

If a tree falls down in the forest & no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

I start with that thought-provoking question (well I do hope it is provocative) because its a scenario I would like to parallel with my love for writing.

Obviously, I love to write. I call it, "thinking on paper". Of course most of my blogs and writings start out as rambling musings in my mind, & then I wait when I have the free time & opportunity to write it on the computer. I write, to form my thoughts in a cohesive structure, to portray my innermost thoughts & feelings, & in some instances, to arrive at a particular choice of action or make my stand on a personal matter that has been percolating in my thoughts for a time. But basically, I write because I need to write. As Hugh Prather said: "If the desire to write is not accompanied by actual writing, then the desire must be not to write". Fortunately, my writing muses are never too far or too busy to keep me company.

Having an audience, or someone who stumbles on whatever prose I conjure, is just an added bonus. But it would be hypocritical of me, if I didn't say that it gives me a delicious thrill, to have a friend read what I had written. More so if he/she writes a comment about it. So yes, even if the tree falling does make a sound, you so obviously want someone to hear your words, or the song it brings.

A word of caution though. For me! I find it interesting that the 2008 Word of the year is "overshare(verb): to divulge excessive personal information, as in a blog or broadcast interview, prompting reactions ranging from alarmed discomfort to approval". I am so guilty of this! I just hope most people are in too much of a hurry, to read & think about what I write.

And for those who do matter, that they do take the time to read & think about what I do write.

Many times I find, in that space between writing & rereading what I have written, that I do have second thoughts lest someone think ill of me, or judge me hastily. Still, the writer has to write what needs saying the most.

So yes, I'll be writing from hereon!

My Top 3 McDo Memories

Niel's post of the McDonalds commercial: My First Love: Huling El Bimbo (loved the ad!) reminded me of why I love & prefer McDonalds over Jollibee. So these are my top3 McDo memories: Fun with Enta; Bonding with Ate; Getting Picked up(at Mcdo!)

(1)Fun with Enta: College will always make me think of living & spending within your means (ie.allowance). I remember times in McDo with the Entablado theater group. Many times, after practicing for a play, we’d chip in whatever money we can spare each (1 would give P5, another P20, & so on). Then we’d buy several large fries (& make do with loads of ketchup!!). The food was never enough, but we’d be satisfied(busog!) laughing & being in each other’s company.

(2)Bonding with Ate: In college, my elder sister & I joined the Ateneo Karate Varsity Team. Aside from our usual varsity practices, both of us would also go jogging around the campus. Many times though, we’d end up jogging from the college grounds towards Gate2. Reaching it, we’d be so tired, we’d end up crossing over to McDo & having our snacks (yup, this kinda defeated the purpose of exercising).

(3)Picked up (at McDo!): I was eating with a friend in McDo & these 2 guys came up. The friend I was with was their old high school teacher. My friend had to leave for another appointment & I ended up talking the night away with these two really nice guys. They even offered me a ride & dropped me off to my apartment. I became really close with one (Marco): just friends, nothing romantic. So close, we’d spend Sunday afternoons volunteering at the White Cross orphanage, & he even became Ninong(godfather) to my son. I will never forget a bday gift he gave me: a large bouquet of chrysanthemums from their family farm in Tagaytay (heavenly! My favorite!) & a card which read: “You should never get into cars with strange men. But I'm glad you did!”.

McDo: Love ko 'to!

My Sinulog Traditions

I had a wonderful time during Sinulog 2009.

* Sinulog Lunch: For more than 5years now, I've had Sinulog Sunday lunch at a close friend (Welda's house). Their family has this panata/tradition to have a feast in honor of their devotion to Sto.Nino. Its a time for me to get-together with my former Aboitiz officemates, & catch up on the goings-on of each others' lives. Met up with Jovy, Alma, Alpin & Shaun last Sunday. Its good to know that how busy we may be throughout the year, there'll always be a time in the year that we can look forward to seeing each other.

* Sinulog Parade - Walked quite a lot (from Villagonzalo area, to T. Padilla, to Club Ultima, to Perpetual, to Ayala = am sure that covers 5kms(?), equal to the Sinulog Fun Run. This year was made easier coz my kids are now a bit grown up & can hike the distance on their own. Still, I wasn't exempt from carrying another kid in my arms this year (my 2yr old niece!). But whats the essence of a feast day for the Child Jesus after all, if you don't bring kids to the Sinulog?!

* Sinulog Fireworks: I just love fireworks! They may be fleeting & transitory sights, but breathtaking & a personal favorite of mine nevertheless. Watched Abellana fireworks from the Club Ultima Snooze Lounge, & waited till 9pm for the Ayala fireworks. And I just love watching fireworks with my kids!

& from hereon, I'll be sure to add another Sinulog tradition: to always participate in the Sinulog marathon/fun run (& of course, see how my running time improves over the years). Now if I could also throw in a Sinulog street party or two after that....

Pit Senyor!

The Past 20 Years

What do you tell someone you haven't seen in almost 20 years?!!

Because of Facebook, I’ve been getting reconnected with a whole lot of people from my past. Especially people I’ve been really close to before: a best friend in grade school & my first ever barkada. The funny thing is I’m so green with envy that life now finds them, friends to each other. (& it’s me who’s gotten lost along the way!!). Although that shouldn’t surprise me, after all, I do keep moving from place to place hence keeping friendships & making them last is a challenge (see old blog entry: Forever Friends). Yet its touching how they were just talking about me over the weekend (& were wondering where I was). Now, that had me teary-eyed. I know I’m all sweet & friendly & malambing, but I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m not an easy person to (really!) get to know. Especially way back in grade school & high school. I remember that as the awkward years. I was overly emotional & sensitive then, & going through the usual teen-age angst. So if I don’t have fond memories of myself way back then, I wonder how my friends remember me?

And so, even though its not easy to look back after what one has been up to all these years, here’s what I’d like to tell them about me to “catch up for lost time”:
* Took up AB Psychology in Ateneo de Manila. Loved my course & wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’ve been an HR professional for the past 14 years.

* Studying & growing up in Manila, after a very sheltered home life in my younger years, has made me the fiercely, independent person that I am. I’ve lived in Cebu, Davao, and Manila & shuttled back & forth over these places (uprooted myself 8x!) in my lifetime. For now though, I call Cebu home.

* I was active in the theater in college & acted in several school plays, & even signed up for a short stint with a PETA theater group (they’d find this interesting coz I was so actively involved in school theater productions in GS & HS). Sadly, I haven’t acted in the theater fro the longest time. Which is probably why I love being in Toastmasters! (But more of that later!)

* I worked as a teacher for 4 years (1 year as a Filipino teacher in HS, & 3 years teaching Grade 2 Boys = 2 of these as a Guidance Counselor). I loved teaching (though the hours & hard work was something else! Teaching really is a vocation!)! My parents also convinced me I had to go find a real job (after spending for my very expensive college education!). I still count my years in teaching as part of my HR experience though coz this is where I got my facilitation, training design & “platform” skills.

* My HR jobs have mostly been in Training and Organizational Development. What I love most about being in HR & particularly in Training is that the job is never routine. It’s always new, you get to meet new people, & I find meaning in my work (helping people be skilled in the work they do, & helping the company cope with changing workforce needs). It’s both strategic/macro & individual at the same time. I’ve been fortunate to have worked for very good companies: Sacred Heart School for Boys(1yr), Ateneo de Manila Grade School(3), Straightway(1), Aboitiz(5), Lexmark(5), now as a Training Manager with Innodata, a BPO/KPO company.

* I’m a mother as well! I have a 7-year old daughter; & a 9-year old son (he has autism & being a mother of a child with special needs has, in a large way, defined my life & who I am). It’s too much to summarize in one line, I could write a whole speech, even a whole book about this.

* Speaking of kids! About love. I remember I was always reading romance novels (started in Grade3! imagine, & read tons in high school). I don’t read them anymore (that should tell you something; I’m still a voracious reader-other genre-,finishing a book a week). I was married, for almost 10 years. It didn’t work out, & I’m still, in a sense, bitter about it, but believe me, I am so glad it’s finally over & that I’m finally free.

* I still sing! Well, at least any chance I get. I still join the occasional singing contest (& win something, though not the top prize); at company programs & at other events (like I said, any chance I get!). Singing will always be something I’m good at, but not something I could do professionally (I wish!)

* My parents now live in the States(California), my eldest sister in Washington(USA), another sister in Greece, & I still live with my youngest sister in Cebu (but she & her family will soon be migrating to Canada). So I’m officially stuck as the Philippine delegation. (Fine by me, as long I get to receive any foreign currency!).

* I’m passionate about Toastmasters! Been a member for 10 years now, & joined several (& won!) speech contests. So those elocution contests in GS & HS did pay off! I go to a Toastmasters club meeting (different clubs) at least once a week. Personal highs were winning at these speech contests: 1st-runner up at a District (national) Humorous Speech Contest (yup, me! Making other people laugh!); championship at the Prepared/ Entertaining Speech Category (District Level); & 1st runner-up Triathlon Speech Contest (3 speech categories: Impromptu, Singing & Prepared Speech). Toastmasters is also about leadership, & not just communication. I also served as Area Governor & Division Governor for Cebu.

* I’ve been blessed to have made several good friends in my life over the past 20 years. There’s Niel (used to be my student in HS-my 1st job; now my best friend. Hey I’m just 5years older than him! & he’s gay). Still go out with the college barkada when I’m in Manila. I have friends I’ve made in Aboitiz who I still get to hang out from time to time (Welda, Tim, the Timbukto tribe, friends I’ve made in Aboitiz Toastmasters); Lexmark friends; friends I’ve made in Toastmasters; & I still get surprised that, at my old age(!), I still get to make new friends who keep me sane (Edmund!). So yes, when my sis complains that I’m always out with friends, well, it’s because it’s a different set of friends each time!

* I became a Christian in College. This was a life-defining moment for me, & being a Christian has made me accept & cherish the many things that have happened to me in my life.

* I still have a lot of extracurricular activities! I’m always making plans & working on so many personal projects. I love to write & blog (obviously!) & am a member of so many organizations (work related & non-work related!).

Okay! Rereading over everything I’ve written in the past few minutes has made me realize that what I’ve written here can be something that could be read at my wake. But since I do plan on living to a ripe old age (God willing of course), I sure do plan to do so many things & have so many things to write about before I kick the bucket. Suffice to say, its nice to know that well, I did have a grand old time the past 20 years, & hope to live a grander time still for the next 20 more!

I Love A Woman In Uniform

Now that sounds pretty unusual huh? Coz you'd rarely hear men say that (perhaps because it'd be more likely for them to say they like women withOUT a stitch of clothing on them). More often than not, its women who say this phrase, about liking men in uniform, that is.



Well, having said that, I'm putting this phrase out because for the longest time in a long, long while I have not been in uniform. I can't even remember the last time I wore one. But since the 1st working day of this year, I've started to wear a uniform once again. We're all required to wear a uniform in the company, even members of the senior management team. It's a good thing though that I like the uniform (just a plain white sportjack-blouse, & grey slacks). But the form-fitting slacks look good on me, which is a good thing considering that I'm really a dress/skirts type of gal. Otherwise, I probably would think of resigning if I loathed how I feel in uniform . This might sound pretty shallow of me, but really, I think one of the reasons why I quit teaching was because of the uniforms they made us teachers wear. I mean did they have to make us wear uniforms that made us look like a teacher! (duh, I mean of course we were that, but did they have to make us have to look so strict, strait-laced & matronly!).



And if it had'nt been for these uniforms, I wouldn't have learned my current vital statistics. I'm actually a voluptuous (hehe!) 36-blank-36. Now, 2 out of 3 of the ideal body figure for a woman is not bad. Of course, the blank I have to work on. But as pointed out to me by my officemate, the waist after all is the easier among the 3 to work on. I can still remember the days when I had a petite 23-inch waistline (yup, back when I was the only girl in the College Varsity Team then, with waking up at the crack of dawn to do my daily jogging, & 3x/week varsity practice sessions). Hmm...i can only dream back the glory of lost years...but then I did have those 2 kids along the way...



Suffice to say, I do like the way I look in uniform now. And although I will miss wearing my dresses, & skirts & other corporate wear items I have in my closet, being in uniform will save me the perpetual dilemma every woman thinks of when she gets ready to go out of the house:

" What will I wear !?! ".

Superfragilisticexpialidocious

My Favorite Words in the English Dictionary:

audacity brevity chameleon destiny enchanting fortitude gargantuan horrendous irrevocable jimminy klaeidoscope lackadaisical metaphorical nonsensical ogle piquant quaint rendezvous sultry trite unbelievable verbose whim xi yore zest

I obviously don't have anything better to do with my time....(truth is, I was actually commuting in Manila & went through the alphabet to amuse myself).

Although I guess what I'm trying to point out here is that...don't you just find words amazing? We all need words after all to get through life & convey our message. The words we weave equally show who we are & what we perceive. A magician always has his magic spells...key words & phrases to conjure up whatever help is needed. Similarly, seakers and writer and ordinary people like me need to have a whole spiel of words to ramble on & make into the a cohesive and altogether engaging story that is one's life.

How Old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?

A friend of mine posted that intriguing question in her blog last year. Which got me to thinking...well, for me...I'd be seventeen. Yup, I seem to be perpetually stuck to that age (mentally that is! I wish I could say looks-wise too).


Which probably explains why I spent the holidays poring over teen-age stuff. Imagine, I spent one weekend speed-reading the 4 Twilight books: from Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse, and finally Breaking Dawn. I just got so hooked to the books: the story, the romance of it, the characters, etc.

And of course, after reading the book, I had to look for a DVD of the Twilight movie. I didn't like the movie as well as I liked the book, but then that's what usually happens. At least they got an actor for Edward who really looked as handsome as he was described in the book. This reminds me of a funny experience I had in 2008, when I was being interviewed(& taped!) for a DJ post for Y.101FM. (Haha, I was really bored at the time, & was just trying this out on a whim!) I was asked: "You are all alone in a building. Which would you rather be attacked by: a werewolf or a vampire?".

My answer: "That's easy. I would prefer to be attacked by a vampire. I really don't see myself being eaten & torn into pieces. I would much rather be bit & sucked dry! And turn into a vamp!"

I also spent the holidays, relaxing to the max & watching DVDs. I watched the whole Season 1 of the television series: "Gossip Girl". To be that young once again! I found it quite amusing following the antics & foibles of this group of elite, Manhattan teen-agers. As hilarious as there problems were (lovelife, schoolwork & family), there were actually real life lessons I picked up from the story.


Which brings me back to why I love "being" seventeen. There's something to this age that strikes me to the very core of my being: to be that innocent, & optimistic & on the brink of starting one's life once again. There's even a magazine named for this age! In my case, I fell in love for the first time, at seventeen. Albeit, it was a love unrequited. As the song goes: (sings)
"I learned the truth at seventeen that love was meant for beauty queens... and those of us with ravaged faces (not really that much!) lacking in the social graces, desperately remained at home, inventing lovers on the phone, who called to say -- come dance with me... it isn't all it seems, at seventeen. " Oh well...


I found it ironic that in Twilight, this age is also highlighted, as being special:
Isabella Swan: How old are you?
Edward Cullen: Seventeen.
Isabella Swan: How long have you been seventeen?
Edward Cullen: A while.

Oh, to be seventeen for a little while longer....

Goodbyes and Hellos: My 2008 Recap

2008 was a very eventful year for me. A lot of goodbyes...but also a lot of hellos.

(1) Goodbye Lexmark– 5 years of working for the same company – it was definitely time to say goodbye. Oddly enough, the year started with attending & contributing actively in the joint HR Summit to discuss the wave of resignations we had (not enough to stop me though). The year started with the whole HR-Reorg, & my new role as HR Officer for Government and Community Relations was new & exciting & made me stay (for a while) until the new HR Director had to leave (that made it 4 bosses in 5 years). & things have become so tiring and so toxic in the office; so it really was just time to move on, esp. with that whole DA fiasco in the end. Was called by headhunter Ward-Howell & had series of interviews, all the way to the last panel interview with Hitachi in Laguna. Was given a good job offer for HR Compensation & Benefits Manager, but declined this for personal reasons (see #3). My “gratitude rocks” goodbye gift to people. Cried my last day, didn’t think it’d affect me that much even though I was so relieved to finally leave. Perhaps because I cried buckets during my 5 year stay with the company too.

(2) Hello Innodata – Wasn’t expecting this, but it felt good having my exit interview & telling my boss I had a new job in the wings, as a Training Manager at that. Was just relieved to get a job that paid a little more than my previous one, & a Mgr role at that. & I feel so at home here already, with challenging tasks like handling ISMS, training budgets & schedules, designing & facilitating new training programs; preparing for external & conducting internal audits, metrics & KPIs, management meetings, as well as great relationships with my co-workers. & it’s just so different & exciting being a part of the management team now. I do believe I’m going to stay here awhile.

(3) Goodbye Marital Blues – Clarity@2008 was my rallying cry for this year after all. Found myself drowning my misery in VCD/TV sitcom marathons like Desperate Housewives (being one myself), Prison Break, etc. Holy week was a miserable one having to bear his abusive ways. Had decided to accept the Mla job & give it another try. But then I realized (after nigh 8 years) I didn’t have to bear the heart-wrenching misery anymore. That I could just cut things off & move on. Talking with my sisters (& realizing they did know) helped. The finger without a ring (old blog entry). It’ll be difficult to have a clean cut though & things are bound to become messy before it’s finally over, but am glad I’ve made the decision to move on. Had talks with friends to get legal advice (Ritchie, Leica, Dottie, Lloyd, Ranz, etc). Still, having decided to finally let go has given me the peace & serenity that I had been yearning for all this time.

(4) Hello Friends – With growing old comes the realization that I do need people in my life (Maturity and Interdependence); & I guess because of the turmoil I was experiencing in my personal life, I realized I was not superwoman & thus needed to share the truth with friends, surprisingly enough, even with strangers! & it became easier with each telling (to friends who I’ve kept in the dark about all my troubles). Prompting a friend to say that all these years he saw me smiling, he always knew that there was something painful, & not real, in my eyes. Maintaining ties with old friends & making new ones: staying & having to say goodbye to Niel’s condo & those coaching sessions; terrific conversations & hanging out with new girlfriend Edmund; being truthful to Aboitiz friends & Timbukto tribe; old Lexmark alumni friends Eboy & Raniza; having to say goodbye to friends leaving abroad; finding new friends too: finding my niche & being good friends with a lot of people in my new job.

(5) Hello to the Single Life – With freedom comes the liberty to start to venture out, & feel alive once more. Changed my hairstyle (I look & feel better with curly hair!); started wearing make-up (yup, something I admit to needing, now that I’m 35); working out at the gym. Started to date once again, a record of lousy dates though (see Lousy Dates previous blog entry). “It’s just a fantasy, it’s not the real thing. But sometimes a fantasy, is all I need” (well for now that is). Funny though how it’s raining men once again, but not the type I really need. I still yearn for romance & intimacy, even though I’m far from ready for anything serious. Still, going casual will never be my style.

(6) Goodbye Div C– The flurry of preparations for the Div C Speech Contest & club visits (most clubs got Presidents’ Distinguished Clubs in my Division this year). Ended my TI year with a bang – attended the Tagaytay District Convention with the Aboitiz gang (wearing New Peak jackets!) & being so happy for Div C to have bagged the championship for 3 if not 4 categories! Its hello Div I for me now- what with putting up a Toastmasters Club in my new company & being elected as VP- Ed.

(7) Hello to Competing Once Again – It’s been awhile since I’ve given a speech in front of a Toastmasters audience. I volunteered for Div I Joint Area Contest & wrote my “The Art of Kissing” test speaker speech the night before the contest. Used same speech for my Entertaining Speech & joined the Triathlon once again, all the way to Bacolod! Bacolod! What an experience! To winning.. & not really winning…to learning from mistakes… & making new friends & the more- than-friends…

(8) Family/Home Life – Goodbyes to scary Yayas (6 this year!), dining out at restaurants & going places(several times) with me & the kids, & Sheila, Tito & Ella; coping with Tito’s medical emergencies & numerous hospitalizations; getting hypertensive with China’s homework; swimming with the kids at Crown. My kids are growing up so fast! And though it was extremely difficult this year, making ends meet financially & having to pay debts; being a single mom is something I had no trouble getting used to.

(9) Hello Travel – I didn’t get to travel out of the country like I did last year, but I did go out of town a lot of times this year. Manila trips (Feb for the Hitachi interview, March for Holy Week where we visited La Mesa Eco Park; May for the Tagytay Discon; plenty of Cebu trips also: Buhisan Dam; Mountain View, beach outings in Moalboal, San Remegio, Tambuli, & Karancho! I still got to go to a lot of places I’ve never been to before, which still makes this a traveling year for me. This just fits in the theme of how totally liberating & exploratory this year has been for me.

(10) Hello Music! – Its true that this year has had a lot of ups & downs for me, but it’s been more of an upbeat year overall. & I guess with the vitality I’ve found with now being free, music has found me once again. Had several chances to sing this year: at a company half-time basketball game, 3 singing contests, singing in Waterfront for the PMAP regional convention; being complimented by the director & my stint in a recording studio(feeling professional!); singing in several programs & events. After being in the shadows for so long, I realize I do belong up there, where the lights are on me & people see how talented & beautiful I can be (as boastful as that may sound, but giving myself permission to be “seen” as such is what matters after all). And, complementary to music, I’ve been writing and blogging once again!

So yes, I have found the clarity I wished for, for 2008.