Lousy Dates

They say dating is a lot like dancing. You just need to make the right moves. Or maybe its just because I haven't found the right partner. For I've sure been having my toes stepped on.

See, I've been venturing into the singles scene once again. And dating! But the rules must have changed while I was away...for I've been having all these horrific dates! So, as if to torment myself all the more (for there's a perverse side to it that I just can't explain) here's a listing of all the types of lousy dates I've been through so far:

1. The Maniac. There's the date who's all over you, who you have to keep fending off & have him keep his hands to himself. He could give an octopus with 8 tentacles a run for his money. I guess what makes this date so repulsive is that you don't really like his touch at all. Or perhaps you could, but you just find the timing so bad. Call me old-fashioned but making out on the first date is not my idea of getting to know one another. I thought dating was about romance and leisurely strolling under the moonlight. When did dating become all about sex and a hasty trek to bed?! And to think I've been on three dates so far, all falling under this category. And its surely not because I have the body of a sex siren! (or maybe I do!). I certainly have not given them any inducements, or worn revealing, sexy attires for them to misconstrue it as a green-go!

2. The Conservative. On the opposite side of the spectrum is the date who's too cautious, not of you but of being seen by others (notably his girlfriend and her friends). And you end up not even being kissed at all! I know I seemed all virginal with lousy date example #1, but I guess it could be worse (you could like him but you just get stolen kisses - smacks at that! No tongue action at all= thus not really a kiss). Then you end up having a long-drawn out, long-distance "Sun-ny" affair. Yes, even hour-long conversations 3x a day does not a date make. My fault really for going out with a guy who's already attached (of course I didn't know it at the time). Which doesn't excuse why I've let these phone conversations drag on (but he's so sweet to talk to...& something is better than nothing!).

3. The Indian. Then there's the date who doesn't really qualify as one. Because he stood you up! And I couldn't have imagined that we'd agreed to something, coz there were these conversations, & text messages, & explicit words said to show he really was interested in me! But when it came to the actual action, he says he's too busy! What's a girl to do!

4. The Friendly Date. This is when a friend tags along to your barkada outing & you kind of agree to let him come along. And you think... well the sea air, and a walk on the beach under a canopy of stars, might just be the perfect setting for romance to bloom. But then you arrive at that perfect setting, & find that he's not the man of your dreams after all. Sparks don't fly, no romantic overtures are made, & you realize you really don't have anything in common... except perhaps for that other friend you have in a bikini he's been oogling (not you!).

The friend I recounted all these dates to, actually asked for lousy date #5. Incredulous, I shrieked: "You actually want me to experience another lousy date just so we could round it to a nice, solid, even number!!!".

Suffice to say, I have not been having the "time of my life". At all.

I am Strong !

I got this from my best friend. I especially like his justification and explanation of Positive Psychology. It fits with my strength after all which is optimism. So here’s my top 5 Signature Strengths (the first being the highest). What I love about what's listed here is that in spite of everything that has been thrown to me in my life, I still remain a child at heart & see life as one big adventure.

(1) Love of learning: You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.
(2) Hope, optimism, and future-mindedness- You expect the best in the future, and you work to achieve it. You believe that the future is something that you can control.
(3) Curiosity and interest in the world- You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.
(4) Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness- Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind.
(5) Gratitude- You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks.

And these are my least strengths, since they're at the bottom of the list. Hmm.. how come I feel the need to explain my weaknesses more than my strengths. I guess because the first list is very self-explanatory when you see me. But the weaknesses... well they go deeper & hence must be explained. At this point in my life, after having stifled my needs in my (failed) marriage for so long, I want to be seen & in the limelight & thus modesty would not be one of my strong suits right now (weakness #1).Part of it is being a little impatient with people. I guess I'm less forgiving of people right now & prefer to speak my mind when someone I meet doesn't quite measure up to my expectations (#2). Still, I'm far from being brave, especially when it comes to venturing out in relationships with men (3#). Its difficult to be honest with people, men especially, when I still don't trust that I won't be hurt. The last weakness, has to do with my being an introvert (yes, I am one!), as much as it may feel for me to be lonely right now, I would rather be alone than have to put up & relegate my needs to someone else (be it in a relationship or with friends). Its time for "me" now!
(1) Modesty and humility- You do not seek the spotlight, preferring to let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You do not regard yourself as special, and others recognize and value your modesty.
(2) Forgiveness and mercy- You forgive those who have done you wrong. You always give people a second chance. Your guiding principle is mercy and not revenge.
(3) Bravery and valor- You are a courageous person who does not shrink from threat, challenge, difficulty, or pain. You speak up for what is right even if there is opposition. You act on your convictions.
(4) Honesty, authenticity, and genuineness- You are an honest person, not only by speaking the truth but by living your life in a genuine and authentic way. You are down to earth and without pretense; you are a "real" person.
(5) Citizenship, teamwork, and loyalty- You excel as a member of a group. You are a loyal and dedicated teammate, you always do your share, and you work hard for the success of your group.

Signature Strengths Test: 240 item Character Strength and Virtues Test from Authentic Happiness.

The Desire of My Heart

Ok. Its been quite some time since I've thought about Mr.Right. But even if I do despair of ever meeting him, the dream is always there. So since this text by a dear friend reminded me :

http://mymetaphysicaltrapeze.blogspot.com/2008/11/someone-to-share-foxhole-with.html, of the off chance of what could be, then here is my Christmas list (for all Christmases):

1. makes me laugh

2. will bring me breakfast in bed

3. will love my daughter, & most especially my son & treat them as his own

4. is God-fearing

5. successful in his career

6. has money of his own, acquired through his efforts

7. appreciates the arts

8. encourages me to pursue my own interests

9. athletic

10. has passions & interests of his own (excluding women of course!)

11. loyal and faithful

12. a gentle - man who can be tender and kind

13. loves to read like I do

14. articulate

15. emotionally resilient

16. will dream with me (& work hard with me to achieve them!)

17. someone to watch over me

Yes, I can always dream ...

Ramdam mo na ang Pasko?

I asked that of a dear friend when we met recently. His answer saddened me in that he said Christmas is for the kids..and that the older he gets he feels that Christmas is just another holiday that one gets used to.

I believe one has to decide, not just in Christmas, but in all things for that matter, to find the joy in
anything. I guess I asked that question because I was in a way asking myself if I already feel the Christmas spirit.

And it got me thinking that I feel the joy of Christmas the most when I start buying gifts for friends, family and other people in my life. Christmas for me is shopping! Well, that's easy, I'm a woman after all. It happens every year...our senses are bombarded with the sights and sounds of Christmas everywhere we go. Again, we are confronted with the challenge of finding that perfect gift. For me, its the thrill of finding, for that special person on my list something totally different, something totally unique. Oh yes, & it does start first with making my Christmas list: of people I will give gifts to, of people who I need to give that something to thank for their gift of friendship. So who has been nice to me? And who has been naughty? Its not only Santa who gets to drop people from his list. Although for me, its a matter of budget I guess, & so priority goes to family & close friends, then people in the office, & other people I want to give gifts to.

Then comes the shopping! And with so many bazaars & Xmas sales & tiangges nowadays, one can always find something to buy for a certain amount. I love crossing things from my list, seeing that I've already bought a gift for that person, & so on. I never get tired of elbowing my way through the crowd, of looking at what things are in store in the next booth, and carrying so many parcels and shopping bags after a day spent Christmas shopping!

Wrapping the gifts is another dramatic affair, a tradition. With Christmas carols playing in the background of course. Hands busy with tinsel, and ribbons & bows & cards & boxes and colorful Christmas wrappers, plus a sprig of holly or a garland of mistletoe to give that gift that extra Christmassy touch. And seeing all those gifts pile up under the tree! A Christmas tree is not a Christmas tree after all, without gifts haphazardly piled, one of top of the other.

Then comes the giving of gifts. I love handing out gifts to my friends, with a special note of thanks for the year that was, & the year that will be. With kisses and hugs of course! And much, much love. This is when I feel the spirit of Christmas the most. And I guess its because, if you really look closely at it, we give gifts to mirror the love that was there, in that first Christmas gift. For the Father who loved us so much that he gave us his son. As a Christian, I believe in the joy and the wonder and the magic of Christmas. And that it truly is a cause for celebration. Its not the material things that matter after all, for a gift would not be a gift without the love and the care that goes in the choosing, and in the giving.

And so, ho, ho, ho.. I'm off to do my Christmas shopping!

I am Healthy, Well & Beautiful!

I am healthy, well & beautiful ! If not, then I certainly think so. So perhaps I do have healthy self-esteem. But I know I'm also my own worst critic when it comes to my state of personal health.

So I took time out over the weekend to attend Ayala's annual Health, Wellness & Beauty Fair. Visited the different booths & got to take home a lot of freebies & some information for classes I'm looking at, notably:

* A free Mary Kay facial (will be getting that on Nov22)
* Belly-dancing lessons (1K only for unlimited sessions for a month: hmm..this is interesting)

* Yoga classes (I've always been interested in this & it might be good for my scoliosis, as well as for one's state of mind)

* An offer for a body massage (flirted for an instant with the cute sales guy: "So will you be the one giving the massage?". Of course he said yes!).

* Fitflops (I'd love to have this set from Res-toe-run, though its a bit pricy at almost 3K for a pair of engineered sandals that promises to make you lose weight as you walk!)

* A free body fat analysis from Fitness First (results show that I'm 8% overweight in terms of body fat as the range for my weight,height & age is 17-24% & I'm at 32%. Hmm..I guess they will always say you need to exercise. I would say I don't look that bad at all. Several people in fact reacted when they learned I was trying to lose weight, saying I don't need to (of course that did wonders to my ego!)

* Free front-seat ticket to the Fashion Show (boutiques Guess, Mango & Nike) = realized that it does pay to know the right people! Got this from a friend & loved watching the models strut their stuff on the run way

* Free buffet dinner stub at Teatro Casino (had to decline this though as I had to attend, what else..a Toastmasters meeting! But then one has to get one's priorities straight: Toastmasters always comes first! Plus all that free food would have added to more body fat!)

It was a fun night at the Health, Wellness & Beauty Show. I guess one should always put that as a priority for oneself. Although beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and so, lo & behold, the question to ask would really be: How do you see yourself?

Quantum of Solace

I got stood up last night (again!) for this date that never was. If you're one of the unlucky few who has actually experienced this then you know how terribly forlorn an experience it can be. The funny thing was I actually won a movie pass that night (for being the best Table Topics speaker in the Toastmasters meeting I attended = a pre-date event). The movie pass stated: "Privilege Card: Admit One Only" = yup, as if saying one should be priviliged to go to the movie alone. And it did say admit one only, so I took that as fate's sign for me to go on quality self-time. Quantum of Solace. The movie's title says it all: I am so trapped, in this total vacuum of aloneness !!! Or, as translated to Filipino: "malaking kawalan". But its his loss really & not mine!

So watch the movie I did. And I absolutely loved it! It reminded me again of how much I love Daniel Craig as James Bond. And I realized three things from all these James Bond movies:

(1) I don't want to be the James Bond girl who dies. Strange as it may seem, but I always seem to identify with this character. There's always one in every flick, from Solange in Casino Royale, Teri Hatcher's character in Tomorrow Never Dies, to this last one of Agent Strawberry Fields. Sultry, sexy & they steal the scene. But they do have that sapping, victim & hopeless take to it all. Still, they do get laid by James Bond. That should count for something. But I need to shift to the other character, the other James Bond girl. I want to be the girl who gets to stand up for herself & kicks ass.

(2) James Bond is the ultimate bad boy girls must be wary of. Oozing with macho sex appeal; a chest to die for; physically & mentally agile (my weaknesses in a guy). You know he's working on the right side of the law, but there's still that untamed, maverick side of him. No matter if you know how many women he must have bedded in his entire career, he still gets to you. I think its because he can make any girl feel like such a woman. I love the last 2 James Bond movies though because Bond has this humane side to him: he's fallen in love! What drives him is his love for Vesper, & the betrayal he feels at her having duped him. No wonder then that he becomes this international playboy.

(3) Have sex and die! Never have sex with James Bond (& all bad boys) no matter how they entice you (I love Daniel Craig's pick-up line in this movie: to Agent Fields = " I can't find the hotel stationery" = so unusual that it actually works!). Still, never, never give in! (Yeah right! Note to self) He can be so all-consuming & no matter how thrilling an experience it can be --- woe to the girl who does so. As the villian says in Quantum of Solace: "Everything he touches withers and dies". Could any death be worth the little death one enjoys when they have sex with him? Hmm...

So I did get to have that date after all. Oh James....

TODO To-Do List!

So many things to do and accomplish before the year ends:
(in no particular order)

1. My financial standing (make accurate list of my debts & draft a debt payment plan) = I do have an idea of my payables, but am actually hedging on this and am not looking forward to this task (but I really have to!)

2. Plan for Mla trip (plan & book dates, where to stay, how much, etc)= bringing my daughter to Mla so she can spend Xmas with her Dad (I've already decided that I'm just going to hatid then sundo her= am not planning on staying in Marikina. I still don't know though if I have the nerve to have that talk with my ex)

3. Gym Exercise (lose weight: 5 lbs; & 2 inches from my waist) target 2-3x/week exercise at the gym

4. My work (I have so many things to do at work- so many targets & projects that I just have to put this here)

5. Year -end reflections (make my top 10 events for 2008, lessons learned)

6. 2009 Goal Setting (make this list, as well as my 2009 goals collage, include a financials projection for certain goals that entail money, also revisit my personal Mission-Vision statement)
7. My International Speech (finalize written form & have these approved by selected TM friends)

8. Personal Training (I will have to draft & facilitate the following trainings: Time Management, Best Year Yet, & Financial Literacy programs)

9. 5S (Organize my things in my room, start if not finish my scrapbook for 2008 events down)

10. Appointment & talk with lawyer (I already have a lawyer in mind. Much has been accomplished this year. I did gain clarity on my marriage & having decided that this is the best for me. I've already gotten legal advise & have the pros & cons for annulment vs. separation; so what I need to do now is prepare myself psychologically & write facts & my side as well as get an idea of financial cost)

I had actually dropped an item from the list coz I know I'll be unable to finish already (& I'm actually sad for doing so - this dream & goal is to join the Precious Heart Romance Contest - its been a long time dream for me to write a Tagalog romance - deadline for submission is Dec15. I'll just join next year - this means I have a whole year to write the novel. I already have a storyline & characters in mind. Its the actual writing & the discipline & time for this that needs doing!)

So I guess, my to-do list should can also be a TODO list! Coz I'll have to give it my all to be able to accomplish all these things before the year ends!

But You're Just A Boy

This has been bugging me for some time now. I asked this guy out for a movie date (James Bond: Quantum of Solace) like 2-3 weeks ago. Yup, I remember telling a friend about this, & he remarked: " Wow, I didn't know you were that confident!". And its so true, I believe, this is actually my first time to ask a guy out. Of course, this wasn't like up front, I just texted him. Its not for fear of anything but because we don't really get to see each other everyday.

So he's been giving these non-committal answers. I do know that he is interested in me (well, we did go out one time & suffice to say, well, he was all over me!). Its not like I imagined it all. Perhaps affections wane over time? But I do know (I think) that he's extremely busy. I was really just looking forward to going out & talking with him (he's an extremely funny guy & I believe would make a fun & interesting date). Plus I really can't remember the last time I went out on a date with a guy. I guess I'm after feeling like a woman. I want the intimacy of holding hands, of being hugged. And kissed! And the ironic thing of it all, is that I've definitely decided I can't go out with stranger & be intimate, the way my other friends do it. I need the feeling of being safe & being with someone I can trust. Yes, even if its just for a dinner out, & movie & light kissing!

I do hope that we do finally go out tonight. If not, then this reminds me so much of this song on the radio nowadays & then it'll be time perhaps for me to sing this song:

" It's a little too late for you to come back, say its just a mistake.

Think I'd forgive you like that, If you thought I would wait for you. You thought wrong

But you're just a boy, You don't understand

Yeah you don't understand. How it feels to love a girl

You wish you were a better man.

But you're just a boy."

Oh geez, so I guess, its back to me experiencing a huge quantum of solace after all. Damn.

Starting Over...& Taking Risks

A close friend of mine cried on his way home last night. After trying his luck once again on the perilous road to love. I can only commiserate and sympathize. I know how it feels. To suffer the pangs of unrequited love. Heck, not even love. Just the thought of not being given a chance.

Taking a chance is always difficult, and no one likes the sting of rejection. Even when there are so many reasons: its him, not you; it may be that he's unavailable; it may be that he needs someone else, not necessarily you; or that he has other priorities at the moment. Whatever it is, you have been rejected. And its hard not to take it personally. And you start asking yourself: what is about me that is so difficult to love? I mean what's there not to like? I remember Meredith Gray from Gray's Anatomy saying: "Choose me. Love me". As if one could beg the other person to love you.

Heck, it gets even worse. Let's say you do get lucky enough, to actually have the other person like you. Sparks fly & the music begins. Then the dance starts... trying to get to know another person once again. I have another friend who once remarked: "Its hard. Going through another round of questions. From the simple & the mundane, what's your favorite color? To the things that matter: what are your values and aspirations in life". Having to share your life history with someone, tell the same stories all over again. Tiptoeing and putting your best foot forward once more, you try to be real and honest, but not too honest else he sees how wild and unpredictable you can be, for he might get turned off & change his mind. The awkward silences, the trying to guess what the other person is thinking, to seeing if there is a future to this beginning after all. And you hope, that even if you try to present your best face; that he has the eyes, the sensitivity to see beyond, & see the holes in your mask. That he even has the interest, the real desire to get to know the real you.

Starting over sure is tough. And there are no clear instructions, no clear guidelines on how to go through it all. Some people like to play games, to take the upper hand. Someone once said that its all about who has the power in a relationship, & one has to always play it cool & not to let the other person have control over you. So you play it nonchalant, & you shrug it off, & pretend that you always have other options, not just him. I don't play games however, but have always been the girl who has her heart on her sleeve. I don't like playing it cool, for if you can't take gamble on love, what is there to risk for? Not that I am ready to play the love game once again. But just stay in the game. The one that men and women play.

So don't play it cool. Make the first move. Take a chance. Even if you do get hurt, or get humiliated, or end up being called a fool. Life is too short to have regrets. And you may never know, you could get really, really lucky after all.

Interdependence

Stephen Covey defines maturity as interdependence --- this is when you need other people, & have cultivated nurturing, supportive relationships with people in your life. Independence, as compared to dependence (totally relying on others for your needs) and independence (relying on one's self). I used to see independence as the ideal, and look at myself as very self-reliant and standing on my own. This is good for awhile, for you learn to trust in yourself and in your instincts. Who to better know what's best for you than your inner voice? The older I get however, I realize how much more effective and how much more important other people are in life. I can't totally rely on myself, for I am human, & not superwoman after all. I do need friends, and family, to share my dreams & triumphs, as well as my sorrows and tears. Slowly I am learning to do this. Where once before, I would keep all my cards close to my chest, & not disclose my dreams & aspirations, I find myself sharing my goals and ambitions to people, still with a bit of trepidation, but still daring to share them nevertheless. Telling people about what makes me happy and what makes me sad, makes the experience more real somewhat. We all need witnesses to our lives, and people to share in our triumphs. I for one, am still very secretive about my problems, but have begun disclosing (& crying!) in the past year to friends, and even strangers who've become friends: about my failed marriage, my angst about finding intimacy and love. And I have begun to come out of my shell, & share with people, even with strangers, about my ambitions: joining the Triathlon, & now joining the International Contest. When once before I'd be scared to do so, for fear of having the fates play with me & snatch my fondest wishes, I dare to not believe in luck, but have faith that dreams do come true. If I earnestly try, and seek help and advice from friends. And asking for help was always one of my weaknesses. I guess I am growing up & becoming more mature after all.
And to thank God for a growing list of friends:
* Niel, whose always been there through the years. Who would have thought we'd end up being such close friends?
* Finding old friends once again (Jercyl, Jingle)
* New friends (Edmund, people at work)
* Maintaining friends (Aboitiz Toastmasters, Timbukto, Lexmark friends: Raniza, Eboy, Joan B.)
There are still other friends who I know would wish and pray for the best for me (Ateneo barkada, Toastmaster friends, other good friends). And learning to open up & find new friends along the way (Monet, Tootz, Boom, Khris, countless others)
That old song is true after all:
" People, people who need people
Are the luckiest people in the world" !!!

Leaving On A Jet Plane

So many people are leaving nowadays. In the past month, I've bid goodbye to 3 friends: friend #1 (Raniza) leaving for Canada; friend #2 (Jason) leaving for Australia; and friend #3 (Ritchie) leaving for New York,USA. Its fun to attend the Despidida parties, because its a time also to meet other friends you wouldn't otherwise get to meet on a regular basis. And its a time to rekindle old memories, to reconnect and renew old bonds of friendship. Another good thing about it also is that, it doesn't really seem like goodbye. The world is getting smaller & smaller, & with the propensity for email, Multiply, Friendster & other social networking sites, its so easy to keep in touch with friends and family across the globe. So even though I feel a little bit sad seeing my friends go, I know its for the best for them & a that a new adventure awaits. I also know that its easier now to keep in touch. Plus, who knows I might get to go around the world one of these days, & what better way to do so than have a friend in each country? And perhaps, well, there is still that possibility that the future will find me leaving one of these days. It'd be another adventure to look forward to. But its the Philippines for me for now, & me being happy for my friends as they leave on to the next phase of their lives. So its au revoir my friends. Till we meet again.

An Imaginary Conversation with a Not-So-Imaginary Guy

Moi: So I hear women in New York can be very aggressive & straight-forward. I was thinking...how would you like to have one last fling with a Filipina before you go? Is that forward enough for you?

Ha.ha. Only in my dreams can I be so brazen and wanton enough to make the first move. The picture above can sure be so misleading, showing something that isn't really there. It was just a fun, spur-of-the moment thing, & well, in my defense, at least I was forward enough to actually say, "hey, come over here, picture tang duha, kunwari we spent the night together!". It was his despidida party for a small gathering of friends, coz he's leaving for New York 2 days from now. It sure was another funny coincidence that we saw each other in a Toastmasters meeting Wed 2 weeks ago. And he was looking for a beach resort where he could have his despidida party. Sensing an opportunity for a romantic tryst (!), I volunteered to act as tourist guide. "Yup, I've heard of that place. I've been there. Why don't we check it out?". We even had dinner together after the meeting, at this quaint tapsilugan near Mepz2. Then it was off to the beach, for a stroll in the moonlight, just me & him together (plus the caretaker of course).
"Wow, this is so romantic! ", he says. Now was that an invitation for something more? Alas, he was not really looking at me when he said that. So, even if we did have that evening together, I could not sense any sparks flying between us, nor any hint of interest on his part. Of course, I could have made it a bit simpler, & tried any number of tricks, such as stumbling on a rock (& falling into his arms?!) perhaps. But that I felt was too cheesy. His despidida party, an overnight at the beach, came & went 2 nights later, on a Friday. I have no news to tell, I'm afraid, except for having the guts to request for a photo shot with him in the early dawn hours (hence this pic). And much as I am so tempted now to actually text him that imaginary invite above, I admit to being too chicken to make the first move. Even with our exchange of text messages yesterday & today (moi: "I just saw the pics! We look hot! (sabay smiley face na may wink!). His answer: "I second the motion".) Yup, sa buhay kong ito, hanggang ganon na lang talaga. I guess I am too much of a Maria Clara, to throw caution to the winds, yes, even when its a guy who is leaving the Phils. permanently, hence no real risk of humiliating myself coz I won't ever get to see him after this. Perhaps if he'd only exhibited a little bit of interest on his part. But then I'm a bit clueless and a bit dense to know if a guy also likes me. So I guess, this would also fall under the category: Things I wished I said/did, but did not. Kaya ako nag-iisa... 'langhiya, mag-Pa-Pasko na!