Lousy Dates

They say dating is a lot like dancing. You just need to make the right moves. Or maybe its just because I haven't found the right partner. For I've sure been having my toes stepped on.

See, I've been venturing into the singles scene once again. And dating! But the rules must have changed while I was away...for I've been having all these horrific dates! So, as if to torment myself all the more (for there's a perverse side to it that I just can't explain) here's a listing of all the types of lousy dates I've been through so far:

1. The Maniac. There's the date who's all over you, who you have to keep fending off & have him keep his hands to himself. He could give an octopus with 8 tentacles a run for his money. I guess what makes this date so repulsive is that you don't really like his touch at all. Or perhaps you could, but you just find the timing so bad. Call me old-fashioned but making out on the first date is not my idea of getting to know one another. I thought dating was about romance and leisurely strolling under the moonlight. When did dating become all about sex and a hasty trek to bed?! And to think I've been on three dates so far, all falling under this category. And its surely not because I have the body of a sex siren! (or maybe I do!). I certainly have not given them any inducements, or worn revealing, sexy attires for them to misconstrue it as a green-go!

2. The Conservative. On the opposite side of the spectrum is the date who's too cautious, not of you but of being seen by others (notably his girlfriend and her friends). And you end up not even being kissed at all! I know I seemed all virginal with lousy date example #1, but I guess it could be worse (you could like him but you just get stolen kisses - smacks at that! No tongue action at all= thus not really a kiss). Then you end up having a long-drawn out, long-distance "Sun-ny" affair. Yes, even hour-long conversations 3x a day does not a date make. My fault really for going out with a guy who's already attached (of course I didn't know it at the time). Which doesn't excuse why I've let these phone conversations drag on (but he's so sweet to talk to...& something is better than nothing!).

3. The Indian. Then there's the date who doesn't really qualify as one. Because he stood you up! And I couldn't have imagined that we'd agreed to something, coz there were these conversations, & text messages, & explicit words said to show he really was interested in me! But when it came to the actual action, he says he's too busy! What's a girl to do!

4. The Friendly Date. This is when a friend tags along to your barkada outing & you kind of agree to let him come along. And you think... well the sea air, and a walk on the beach under a canopy of stars, might just be the perfect setting for romance to bloom. But then you arrive at that perfect setting, & find that he's not the man of your dreams after all. Sparks don't fly, no romantic overtures are made, & you realize you really don't have anything in common... except perhaps for that other friend you have in a bikini he's been oogling (not you!).

The friend I recounted all these dates to, actually asked for lousy date #5. Incredulous, I shrieked: "You actually want me to experience another lousy date just so we could round it to a nice, solid, even number!!!".

Suffice to say, I have not been having the "time of my life". At all.