Quotable Quotes

Here are some exciting, funny quotes from friends I've heard this week:

N: "I'm sorry I wasn't able to answer your text immediately, I was out having sex"

(ang taray, inggit ako!)

N: " I went out on a date with this guy and we had sex".

moi: (incredulous) "You mean you had sex on the first date!?!"

N: (matter-of-factly) "Of course !!"

(ang taray talaga ng bakla! I wish I could let go of my inhibitions that easily. Me, the penultimate ego who has to rationalize & agonize & analyze each action to bits and threds...kung ang naiisip ay naging katotohanan, I would have a vast sexual experience that would rival the Kama Sutra, nga lang sa isip ko lang lahat yon)

Ma'am Lumen: "Sir, poidi pa-pick-up ko ?"

(Kala ko na ano na, kausap lang pala DHL. But that's a funny line. Pano nga kaya kung in that context gagamitin)

Sweating...And Loving It

My heart is pounding...breath coming faster and faster...sweat pouring down my face...I am in the zone...in the momentum of this exhilirating, adrenaline-driven body rush....

Nope, I wish I could tell you I was somewhere where the lights are low, the setting is private, with a well-muscled man with me. Well 1 out of 3 aint too bad, especially when its the latter part that's true. And plenty of them in fact. Well-muscled men pumping... not me, but their iron, and the setting is a gym. Yes, I have been exercising these past 2 weeks, and enjoying every minute of it. I haven't been spending my time ogling any of the men though, although in the Club Ultima gym I work out in , there are plenty of them, but I guess I'm not excited to look at men, when I know I don't look my best. After all, I'm in my sweats, hair tied in a ponytail, sans make-up. Not pick-up material at all. Besides, I'm here with a goal: to lose 10 lbs, as well as at least an inch (or two!) of belly fat. What I love about exercise though is the mental rush it gives me: my mind feels so clear, so refreshed and recharged after a work-out. And the psychological factor! Yes, exercise sure does up the endorphins...and endorphins make you happy (remember Legally Blonde!). So these are my top 2 goals for exercise, & getting to a sexier me is really just a 3rd goal or benefit that I'm after. And well, I have to admit, you kind of have to feel confident in your own skin, just in case one gets lucky & needs to shed off one's clothes for a romantic tryst...hmmm.... Go, 1-2-3...Let's get physical!

The Euphoria of Winning, The Agony of Defeat

I still haven’t shared regarding my Bacolod Triathlon Experience. And I should, considering that its going to be in my top 10 events list for 2008.

1st though, it was indeed a euphoric, happy experience for me.
Winning felt good. I won the championship for the Prepared Entertaining Speech Contest Category for my “The Art of Kissing” speech. I loved how the audience immediately reacted, even at the start when the contest host introduced me & said the title of my speech. And I kept them enthralled all throughout! Nothing beats having the audience in the palm of your hand! I loved having a message, a story to tell. What I learned here is that it helps if you’re passionate about your speech topic, & I did write that speech putting in all my frustrations, dreams and desires about kissing, and the perfect kiss.

I placed 2nd runner-up in the Singing Contest (OPM) category. I really should have chosen a better song than Sarah Geronimo’s “Forever Is Not Enough”. For one thing, it wasn’t a performance song & the lesson here for me is to always think about the audience, that each performance should be something that resonates with them. But to remember also, that it should resonate with me. That song certainly holds no meaning for me now. And I had chosen it simply because I had sang it in the past, so the lesson here also is not to play it safe. As a fan of American Idol, I should have remembered Simon Cowell’s admonition each time: “Song choice, song choice!”

I did not place at all in the 1st contest, the Impromptu Speech Category, which was expected. I had prepared for that quotation though: “If you know where you stand, then you’ll know where you’re going”. So I really could have done better. & to think Grace, past District Impromptu champion said that I had started with a strong opening…I really should have followed it up strong & closed it superbly. The lesson here is for me to practice, practice, and practice table topics. I do not believe I deserve the DTM norm because I have not mastered the art of speaking off the cuff as of yet. But, as Khris often points out, “Do the thing you fear, the death of fear is certain.” So I will definitely answer each Table Topic question I hear in each Toastmaster meeting from hereon.

Still, even with the disappointment of having the title District Champion (it was so easily within my reach!!!)- I’ve been mentally beating myself up over this the past 2 weeks! I shouldn’t lose sight of the fact that I still won though, as 1st runner-up overall in the Triathlon. The 3 impressive Bacolod mask trophies is a pretty visually strong statement, & sure look good amongst my other Toastmasters trophies. So, even if its 1st-runner (again!), I still won! And I did win the guy after all!

He Makes Me Dizzy!

Girlfriend!
He actually called me that! Uh,oh…so where is this leading to? Still, this is one of the few times that I’m not going to analyze anything but just feel….And it sure does feel good! I am just so happy, & relish this time once again, to have someone to talk to, & feel so cherished! He calls me up at least once a day; there have been times when he’s called morning, lunchtime, afternoon & in the evening. Sunny nights mean talking on the phone from 11pm to past 1 in the morning. I have always been the schoolgirl type – I love being giddy like this. And he just says the most romantic, appropriate things! Not mushy at all, but he is just so witty! We get to talk about deep philosophical things, & yet the silly things too! Being wanted and appreciated like this, being made to feel like a woman is just so great! I guess, what I so enjoy about this, is that aside, from him making me feel so much a woman, is that I had missed how it feels to be present to someone. To be asked how my day was, to know that at a certain hour, someone would call me, just to say hello.

(from Mamma Mia!) if you remember the character’s face as she sings this, this is totally how I feel at the moment…

“Honey honey, how you thrill me, ah-hah, honey honey

Honey honey, nearly kill me, ah-hah, honey honey

I'd heard about you before I wanted to know some more

And now I know what they mean, you're a love machine

Oh, you make me dizzy

You look like a movie star (You look like a movie star)

But I know just who you are (I know just who you are)

And, honey, to say the least, you're a dog-gone beast

So stay on the ground, girl, you better not get too high

There's no other place in this world where I rather would be

Honey honey, how you thrill me, ah-hah, honey honey

Honey honey, nearly kill me, ah-hah, honey honey

I heard about you before I wanted to know some more

And now I know what they mean, you're a love machine

oh, you make me dizzy “
I have no expectations for this, given our current situation & all. There’s this scene in the movie, “The Mirror Has Two Faces” where Barbra Streisand talks about a courtly love. It’s a love that’s as amorous as they come, sans the sex. A part of me just wants to continue all this flirting, of the promise of things to come, to just be in the moment & not to have to complicate it with the baser things like sex…

Good Things Come to Those Who Wait

"I don't know about tomorrow, but I know who holds my hand".

I cried last night as I had dinner with two really good friends. They made me see how things do work out for the best. In this day and age when men can be so callous & unkind, it gives me hope that there is still redemption for all mankind, seeing that there are still men like Eboy. Men who do know how to honor commitments and truly love their woman. Such a love, such integrity in a man, does exist after all. I have very low expectations of men, at this point in my life. I do like them, & the attention they give me, but think them incapable of honesty, or depth of feeling and emotion. So I just feel and enjoy and be in the moment. But then last night, I realized how unfair it is to generalize all men. There are still the very few, who seek commitment and have patience, who do not succumb to temptation & are not subservient to their physical desires but have a conscience after all. And what to say of Raniza? To finally find love after all the trials and tribulations she must have gone through. To have found love in a foreign land, after a long drought of waiting. To have managed to stay sane & to be so giving to others, to have remained cheerful, never vindictive, vengeful or hardened, after having been disappointed and broken up by love. Both of them are truly diamonds. In a life where I dance with the devil, & succumb to temptations & sins of the flesh, these two are Angels sent from heaven to give me their message: that being good does have its rewards.
Now, its up to me to sit up, listen and take heed.

COLD REALITIES

Just in case you think all I have in mind is love and men, I guess I indulge myself in these flights of fancy to escape from cold reality. As a single parent to 2 kids, life gets to be a daily grind most times of surviving and trying to make ends meet. For a close-up look at the realities I face, there is no better way to quantify this than to give you a picture of my monthly (forecasted) expenses:

3.5K: son’s tuition
2.5K: daughter’s tuition
2K: life insurance monthly premium
2.5K: credit card payment
10K: groceries
900: daughter’s schoolbus
2K: transportation (me,kids)
500: medicines,vitamins
2K: Yaya

2K; my food & my allowance

1K: Family R & R

2K: investment (Club Ultima)

2K: coop savings
32,900 TOTAL

And these are just the forecasted expenses. So it’s a wonder why I still have time & money sometimes for the little things, like eating out, celebrating or gimiks with friends, outings with family, manicure & pedicure at the parlor, etc.

Still, there are so many others with so little so I guess even with all my monthly expenses, I still feel blessed.

SUNNY NIGHTS

Thank goodness for Sun! Unlimited texts and unlimited calls. Calling me 2-3 times a day, texting, emailing. Talking on the phone for hours on end. Any self-respecting woman would just swoon! And I have to admit, I am not immune to his charms. Although I have to admit to having second thoughts. I know I’ve been hemming and hawing and complaining about how all the men I’ve been meeting lately, of how they lack this attribute or that, & how I would not want to settle…prompting a close friend to exhort in disgust, “ You sure have high standards for a one-night stand !!!”. Well, for one thing, I wouldn’t want it to be over & done with in just a night! After all, he wouldn’t even be worth it if he could slake his thirst for me in just one night, that one night should make him want for more! I hate the thought of how women have to work so hard to keep their men, not unlike Sheherazade of the famous Arabian Nights, who had to weave a story each night to keep her husband the Sultan Shahyar from executing her. Imagine keeping that up, not just for a puny one night stand, but for a thousand and one nights! Idol! I wonder if it really took just stories… but then there are a number of ways to tell a story, & my imagination tells me she must have done more than that, for the language of touch & of body language can sure speak volumes! And yet, imagine how long it took for the sultan to fall in love with her & see the error of his ways! A thousand and one nights! Men! If it were me, perhaps I would have ended up executing the sultan after all. With an icepick ala Sharon Stone! Which I guess brings me back to the crux of the matter. I know me, & my passions and desires and wants and needs and hopes and dreams would not be satisfied, with the mere pursuit of pleasure for pleasure’s sake. If it came to that, I believe it was the ST Queen Amanda who so succinctly put it, “I have yet to meet a man who does better than my hands”. So, again, it comes to this, ok fine, I did get to meet this fabulous guy after all, but do I really want to settle for just sex? Not that I am ready for love and commitment and the angst and pangs that love brings. But shouldn’t there be at least romance? Not just a physical attraction but an emotional connection as well. A meeting of minds, of kindred spirits longing for that elusive bond, even if it just be for so short a time. Love calls for a melding of souls. I would not wish for that, but I would certainly yearn, AND NEED for an understanding of sorts. How trite that sounds: a mutual understanding. But it is so true, for I would want him to understand me, and me understand him. If forever is so elusive a goal to hanker for & certainly something I definitely am not ready for, can I at least have my Mr. In The Meantime?

Ang Sex Kasama si Paolo

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang isang gabing nadapa ako, naligaw, nawala, umabot ng tatlong taon ang paghahanap sa bahay, at sa pagwawakas nito ay nakauwi ako.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang tatlong taong pagkain ng fastfood araw-araw at isang araw sa pag-uwi ko ay may mainit na tinolang manok na lutong bahay.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay ang paglalakad sa gabi na may bagyo at pag-uwi ko ay may mainit na sinigang sa mesa.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang paggising ko sa 18th birthday ko na alam kong wala akong party pero dadating ang mga kaibigan ko na nag-request pala ng party kasama ang staff ng Wish ko Lang.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang pagkatapos kong sumubok mag-bake pero nasunog ang cake. Pero dumating ang tatay ko na may dalang blueberry cheesecake.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang pagkatapos kong manood ng A Walk in the Clouds at pagkalabas ko ng bahay ay nandoon si Keanu Reeves at inaya akong apakan ang mga ubas. O parang pagkatapos kong umiyak si pelikulang City of Angels, binigyan ako ng tsansang baguhin ang istorya; o kaya para ding pagkatapos kong manood ng Somewhere in Time, sinabihan akong sa part two ay wala na ang coin sa bulsa ng lalaki. Para rin itong pagkatapos kong manood ng Sweet November, at nakatanggap ako ng balitang magagamot na ng pagmamahal ang kahit na sinong terminally ill.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang kapag naririnig ko ang kantang "Panalangin" ng Apo para akong dinuduyan ng malamig na boses sa hangin.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang kapag bente na lang ang pera mong panghapunan at nagpagkasya ko sa dalang pera ang isaw, rice at Coke.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang kapag nadiskubre kong ako pa lang ang nakakakita ng pink na itlog ng lalaki. Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay parang pagtanggap ng diploma pagkatapos bumagsak ng limang beses sa College Algebra.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay ang makita ang sarili kong nagluluwal ng apat na maliliit na Paolo.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay ang pagputi ng buhok at siya pa ring ang kasama ko.

Ang sex kasama si Paolo ay ang pag-upo sa tumba-tumba at kahit matanda na ay nakahilig pa rin ako sa braso niya. (Ni Sabel Prado)
**********************************************************************************88
Sayet, wala akong Paolo.

Sense & Sensibility

Ok, at this point in my life. I am so torn between giving in to my senses or applying a little bit of sensibility. I so want to.... but this distance is giving me the luxury of having second thoughts.....
Anyway, I saw the movie Sense & Sensibility last Monday, & I cried the tears that I was not able to shed over the weekend. The movie's plot does not really apply to my situation right now, but the movie's title so aptly describes my dilemma right now.
*****************************
Fanny: I am the soul of discretion.
*****************************
Mrs. Dashwood: Why so grave? You disapprove her choice?
Marianne: By no means. Edward is very amiable.
Mrs. Dashwood: Amiable? But?
Marianne: There is something wanting. He's too sedate. His reading last night...
Mrs. Dashwood: Elinor has not your feelings. His reserve suits her.
Marianne: Can he love her? Can the soul be really be satisfied with such polite affections? To love is to burn - to be on fire, like Juliet or Guinevere or Eloise...
Mrs. Dashwood: They made rather pathetic ends, dear.
Marianne: Pathetic? To die for love? How can you say so? What could be more glorious?
Mrs. Dashwood: I think that would be taking your romantic sensibilities a little far.
******************************
Edward Ferrars: My heart is, and always will be, yours.
**********************************
Elinor Dashwood: Did he tell you he loved you?
Marianne: Yes... no. Never absolutely. It was everyday implied but never declared.
******************************************
Elinor Dashwood: I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him - that I greatly esteem him... I like him.
Marianne: Esteem him? Like him? Use those insipid words again and I shall leave the room this instant.
*****************************************
Edward Ferrars: Your friendship has been the most important of my life.
Elinor Dashwood: You will always have it.
***********************************
Marianne: Always resignation and acceptance. Always prudence and honour and duty. Elinor, where is your heart?
Elinor Dashwood: What do you know of my heart? What do you know of anything but your own suffering. For weeks, Marianne, I've had this pressing on me without being at liberty to speak of it to a single creature. It was forced on me by the very person whose prior claims ruined all my hope. I have endured her exultations again and again whilst knowing myself to be divided from Edward forever. Believe me, Marianne, had I not been bound to silence I could have provided proof enough of a broken heart, even for you.
*************************************
Elinor Dashwood: Whatever his past actions, whatever his present course... at least you may be certain that he loved you.
Marianne: But not enough. Not enough.
*****************************************************
Marianne: Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. Or bends with the remover to remove. Oh no! It is an ever fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. Willoughby. Willoughby. Willoughby.
****************************************************
Elinor Dashwood: You have no confidence in me.
Marianne: This reproach from you. You who confide in no-one.
Elinor Dashwood: I have nothing to tell.
Marianne: Nor I. Neither of us have anything to tell. I because I conceal nothing and you because you communicate nothing.
*******************************************
Marianne: Did you see him? He expressed himself well, did he not?
Mrs. Dashwood: With great decorum and honour.
Marianne: And spirit and wit and feeling!
Elinor: And economy, 10 words at most.
****************************
Marianne: Is love a fancy or a feeling... or a Ferrars?
*************************
Elinor Dashwood: Mama, [deep sigh]
Elinor Dashwood: is there a painful difference between the expectation of an unpleasant event and its final certainty.

101 Stories

I'm reviewing all the stories in my life, in preparation for the Triathlon Impromptu Contest.
So here's to writing different stories/mini-speeches for each life theme:

SORROW/HARDSHIPS (well this was my failed Impromptu speech: I did not place, but Division C Impromptu gurus did approach me afterwards saying I was their no.1 & they did not understand why I did not place)
I CAN''T SLEEP ! Ladies & gentlemen, fellow Toastmasters & friends, for the past month & a half, I have not had the luxury of having a good night's rest. & I wish I could tell you that it was because I had a handsome, well-muscled man in my bed at night keeping me awake. Well, the culprit in question is indeed male, he's 8 years old, he's my son & he's afflicted with autism. Autism is a neurological condition that impacts social interaction & communication skills. It is a growing worldwide epidemic that affects 1 out of 150 children. I have long questioned why this burden was placed on me, but I have accepted this. For after all, this is my son. Its been difficult yes, but my son has also taught me so much. He has taught me to cherish life & live it to the fullest, to explore all my talents, join speech contests such as these. For in life, its not what happens to you that determines how far you will go, but what you do with what happens to you.

HAPPINESS/JOY/EXCELLENCE:
"So I say thank you for the music, the songs I'm singing, thanks for all the joy they're bringing" --- I have always loved to sing. Many of my friends, especially in Toastmasters, know that. I even joined the Triathlon just so I could be granted the opportunity to sing before an audience. Many of my happiest moments were spent onstage: singing in musicals, acting on stage & joining(&winning!) in singing contests. What I love most about singing however is that it summarizes my general approach & philosophy to everything life throws my way. I believe I can handle anything as long as I have a song in my heart & a tune in my lips.
The famous management guru, Jack Welch, was once asked in one of his seminars: "If he had to choose between an employee who was the most competent in his staff, but who had difficulty getting along with others; & one other employee who was unskilled but who was a positive, enthusiastic person who would he choose? Jack Welch said: In a heartbeat, I would choose the last employee, because he has the passion & heart of a learner. Fellow Toastmasters, passion/joy is what separates the best from the average. So be passionate & enthusiastic about your life. After all, even with all its sham, drudgery & broken dreams, it is still a very beautiful world. Contest Host...

EXCELLENCE/WORK:
" Heigh ho, heigh ho, its off to work I go"-- Ladies & gentlemen, fellow Toastmasters & friends, do you sing when you are on your way to work? Well, you should try it sometime. Me, I have always loved to sing -- & yes, I do sing when I'm on my way to work.

You Don't Know Me

Ay leche! Ang kantang 'to ay para sa mga lalaki sa buhay ko na wala naman talaga sa buhay ko. Para kay Linus, na di na sumulat pagkatapos kong ipagtapat na may dalawa na akong anak. Para kay Jimboy, na "may moments" sana kami pero nakuha ng iba. Para kay Jay, at kay Bordz, parehong nagpapa-cute pero di naman magawang yayain ako ng tuluyan na lumabas man lang (aba, alangan naman ke-babae kong tao, ako pa ang magtatanong). Para kay Dennis, na nagawa ko ngang tanungin, pero di naman ako tinanggap ng tuluyan. Siguro, higit sa lahat, para ito kay Tolits, na kung naging matinong lalaki sana ay hindi ako magkaka-ugaga ng ganito.
Hindi ko lubos maisip kung ano pa. Hindi ko alam kung nahihiya lang sila sa akin. O di kaya, napapatigil lang sa sitwasyon ko. Hindi ko naman hiniling na magka-relasyon, may makausap lang at makilala sana. At kung napapaisip kayo kung bakit ang daming pangngalan ang nabanggit ko, hindi talaga madami. Isang malakang kawalan nga eh. Pero nasa kanila talaga ang malaking kawalan at di man lang nila ako nakilala ng lubusan. Kahit isang sayaw lang.

"You give your hand to me
& Then you said hello
I can hardly speak
My heart is beating so
And anyone can tell
You think you know me well
But you don't know me

No, you don't know the one
Who dreams of you at night
And longs to kiss your lips
And longs to hold you tight
Oh I'm just a friend
That's all I've ever been
'Cause you don't know me

I never knew The art of making love
Though my heart aches With love for you
Afraid and shy I've let my chance to go by
The chance that you might Love me, too

You give your hand to me
And then you say good-bye
I watch you walk away Beside the lucky girl
You'll never never know The one who loves you so
Well, you don't know me".

Oh Solitudine

Winning the Triathlon Speech Contest felt great last Sunday. However it would have infinitely been better had I someone to share my personal success with. I had no Jerry MacGuire to share it with. I say that because I remember the last scene in Jerry Macguire, where after the football game where his sole talent had his defining moment on the field, he called his wife, Renee Zelwegger to share his success with. & remember how he rushed home to say that famous line: "You complete me.". Well that would have made my success complete I guess. But then we can't have everything. So, I'm still very happy with the win nevertheless.

I guess this just reminded me of my state right now. A friend of mine, just recently was vaccillating between complicated & single in his Friendster status. Well, I can't totally put a definite mark on my current state of affairs now. I definitely am happy not being married & attached. I relish the peace & the solitude & freedom I have hard-won & sought for so long. Still, there are moments that I would so long for the strength to be held in a man's arms....

So for now, this is my song...Oh Solitudine...

Oh God I hope I'm wrong But I'm not feeling very strong
I've been so up and down so sad So happy, feeling good and bad
I'm young I'm old I laugh I cry
I tell the truth but that's a lie
I've been so in and out so wild
So well behaved so pure defiled
oh solitudine That word I hate to say
And no I was not crazy to do what we did
I even wish I'd been a bit more crazy still
And kept a little more of him to see me through
He loved me all he could I never had my fill
And then I'm back inside my room he knows so well
I feel again the way he moved I take it slow
I talk to him and he becomes a part of me
And then I know he'll never let the summer go
Oh God I hope I'm right I won't give in without a fight
And I can take the words they throw At me
for none of them could know
That we had something very few
Will ever find their whole life through
I wouldn't change a single day Although the price I have to pay
is solitudine The loneliness is tearing me apart
It tears me up it pull me down and then
It wraps around my heart oh solitudine
Does he remember all he said to me
I've been so up and down so sad
So happy feeling good and bad
I'm young I'm old I laugh I cry I tell the truth but that's a lie
I've been so in and out so wild
So well behaved so pure defiled oh solitudine